Full and complete failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IndieOx, Jul 7, 2014.

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  1. IndieOx

    IndieOx New Member

    I tried to kill myself last week. Wednesday morning, and was too chicken shit to go through with it so spent all day Wednesday and a great deal of Thursday feeling appalling because the cocktail of drugs were working their way out of my system.

    I think my business is going down the toilet, mainly because i dont know what the fuck i am doing, yet on the surface it is doing wel

    I have no friends that i am able to talk to, and i have to keep up the appearce of normality and success because everyone says i am doing so well and i am expected to be brilliant and i am not, and it is gettingharder and harder to pretend everything is great.

    The racks are surely showing and yet not one person asks if i am okay. I cannot be that good an actress, surely.

    I feel like i have no option except to die, but am terrified of actually doing it. I am a failure at everything.

    Something must happen soon. I am so completely desperate.
  2. Caminho - lunar

    Caminho - lunar Active Member

    I' m sorry that you are in such a great pain. Keep posting here and you'll find that you are not alone and that can make all the difference (it did for me). Please don´t give up and get some help - from a friend, a crisis line, a doctor. If you got to that point you need help. I´m here if you need to talk it out.

    There is always a solution for every problem, don´t give up please.

  3. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you went through that, it is horrible to feel that way and want to do that. Im glad you didnt go through with it though as you have found this site and it will help you get the support you deserve.

    With regards to relationships; I too struggle to make friends, and those that do become my friend I dont feel comfortable enough to talk to. You dont have to pretend if things are becoming difficult or overwhelming, you need to open up. If not to friends then to family, if not to family then to people on here, support sites, hotlines, doctors, psychiatrists - anyone who can understand whats happening and help you through it. If you start telling people about your business and how you're struggling, they may be able to offer guidance and support. I'm not sure what else to say with regards to the business side as i would need to know more about it before i made a judgement, but know that there are people here for you that will do their best to help you :) :hug:
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Welcome Indie - so glad to know you survived and that you are reaching out for support, please continue to write and share your concerns and worries. Are you considering professional help for counselling at all?
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