I tried to kill myself last week. Wednesday morning, and was too chicken shit to go through with it so spent all day Wednesday and a great deal of Thursday feeling appalling because the cocktail of drugs were working their way out of my system. I think my business is going down the toilet, mainly because i dont know what the fuck i am doing, yet on the surface it is doing wel I have no friends that i am able to talk to, and i have to keep up the appearce of normality and success because everyone says i am doing so well and i am expected to be brilliant and i am not, and it is gettingharder and harder to pretend everything is great. The racks are surely showing and yet not one person asks if i am okay. I cannot be that good an actress, surely. I feel like i have no option except to die, but am terrified of actually doing it. I am a failure at everything. Something must happen soon. I am so completely desperate.