full of disappointments

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by dreamer11, Nov 17, 2013.

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  1. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    *sigh* i'm just so frustrated and don't understand how i haven't lost total faith in the world yet, but nothing ever seems to really go right for me. i rarely ever get what i want, and in the moments i do, it oftentimes blows up in my face anyway and is even more disappointing.

    i'm 21 year-old female in college. in theory, i should be having the time of my life, but it's not like i need my life to be a party; i just want to be loved. i feel like i'm never good enough for the people i love, even though i try so so so hard. my therapist says unfortunately for me, i'd be the type of daughter most parents would kill for, it's just that my parents--especially my mom--aren't impressed. despite the fact that i'm seeing a therapist and have issues of my own, i know i'm a good friend. that's what everybody says about me, and is the strength i am absolutely certain of. frequently on career test or by suggestions of others, i receive suggestions that i should go into counseling, because i'm good at giving other people advice or helping them through problems. i just wish i could help myself... anyways i'm dreading telling my mother because i've already expressed interest in counseling which she totally shut down last year. instead, i opted to talk to my dad first about my desire to go to grad school and pursue counseling degrees. he wasn't receptive. instead he encouraged me to keep applying for business internships, and didn't say anything at all to address my interest in following my psych major...i'm so discouraged. my dad is the more supportive parent. if i can't even talk to him, how can i even think about approaching my mother--who is extremely verbally aggressive and the root of my insecurities. i'm even starting to get nervous about getting into grad school, i have a 3.6 cumulative right now but am having a hard time in this one class that i think could really hurt my gpa and grad schools are so hard to get into, especially for specialized counseling programs...while many of my friends are getting internships and figuring out their life, i'm trying to be proactive but i don't know what to do when i can't even talk to my parents about it...

    on a separate note, i'm very disappointed in my romantic pursuits. i'm really trying to accept that i'm not going to have a college relationship as a junior. it just doesn't happen on my campus; couples form in the underclassmen years, usually break up by their junior or senior year, then people are either scarred from their previous relationship or don't wanna date knowing we'll be leaving somewhat soon... i've accepted it as a reality, i'm just having trouble not being sad about it, ya know? i went to an all-girls boarding school before college and was really hoping (and unfortunately expecting) to get into a relationship; my friends from other schools said that i'd be the type of girl guys would be lining up for and would have a relationship early on...i wish they hadn't. i really got my hopes up. i've drunkenly hooked up with people (though i haven't had sex), but am embarrassed that at age 21, i've never had a boy wanna kiss me sober, or hold my hand, or even take me out to coffee. i know i'm attractive and have at least a decent personality and am not a *****, but i'm never picked. girls who just got out of relationships are already hooking up with other guys, and i on average hook up with one guy (two times) a year. my guy friends say i'm just attractive as those girls, but it just doesn't happen for me? it's embarrassing. i don't know what i do wrong...the last guy i was hooking up with ended things by sending a friend to give me back a bra i'd accidentally left at his house, and we never talked/texted since. i got no explanation. it was really disappointing. we'd hooked up three times and i was starting to think something could happen and i was really attracted to him. but i know he's hooking up with new girls, and i'm just left behind. he won't talk to me anymore and will barely look at me. i don't know what i did. it's so disappointing. i'm still a virgin and feel pathetic.

    the bottom-line is, in both areas i feel like i'm getting left behind and rejected when i don't really deserve it. these kinds of things have happened throughout my life: i've gotten bullied in high school and younger (and sometimes even here by my own sorority sisters), i've missed awards or recognition i deserved, i oftentimes get yelled at for things beyond my control but am too afraid to confront back, etc. i don't know what to do. part of me wishes i could become hard-hearted and just not care and be selfish, but i can't do that. i don't know why i still have some faith in my future when i feel like it's empty and going nowhere, but for some reason i'm still here, aren't i?
     
  2. dobispr88

    dobispr88 Member

    virgin here too. join the club
     
  3. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    Can anybody PLEASE say something to me that would make me feel better? please? It'd mean a lot to me.
     
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