full on or full off.. moderation!!! WTF is that and how??

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jimk, Sep 17, 2011.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    am jim and middle of the ground for just about everything is not something i have ever been able to do so far.. one exteme or the other is what i have done..

    32 yrs clean now of my drug and hard liquor former habits. wife at the time katie said choose your family or these habits.. rite fucking now!!! did cold turkey then and been successful so far.

    nicotine and caffeine addiction are still mine now.. smoked and buzzed on the coffee since 1965 .. recent new GP doc B. and i met couple of months ago and she is rabid: jim you got to guit these now!!!!! so is the quit for life clinic to quit the cancer sticks thru my hmo. what's the quit date Jimbo and how you going to do this.. DAH....these two habits are attached in oh so many ways to me forever.. in fact my shrink and therapist think quitting these two habits may end up with me in a psych ward for an extended visit.

    in last 6 months did without the cigs for a week each time.. miserable describes me each week's state.. stressed, iritable, just out of it.. dissociated and came back to earth hours later with a carton of marlboros sitting on kitchen table with a full ashtray of butts... that situation after all the work was hard to live with..

    for my son johnny , i really do what to kick these habits.. we are going back to mall walking for 30 minutes 3 or 4 mornings a week starting tomorrow.. try to hold it to a pack a day for a bit.. got apts with shrink and therapist on the 27th of this month.. we will talk about this then.. these two professionals know me inside and out and very well..


  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You have come so far, and should feel so proud...I think giving up smoking was one of the most difficult things I have done, and sometimes, I do fall off the wagon, and have one (or ten)...please keep your eye on the prize and do not forget to reward yourself along the way
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    ((Sadeyes)) anyone lately told you just how caring, kind and what a wonderful person you are??? well you are.. thanks jim
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun cold turkey very hard to do with cigarettes hun you just keep doing the best you can okay there is new products out there to help you slow down some ihope they help hun hugs
  5. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    despite getting a slow start this morning, zooms and i got to inside hall corridors of the nearby mall and did two laps of walking.. past week was troubling and had avoided the walking until today..
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    resolved one minute and then off i go whole hog again.. last couple of days said to myself: you will hold it to a pack of marlboros for few days.. after johnny wakes will only puff in garage. and then will cut down even more with goal to go without soon.. well SHIT.. this just ain't going to happen soon if ever..

    dvd shopping which has been over the frigging top for years now was next item to reform with. was recovereing from bad nightmares and flashbacks on tuesday morning.. went to hell mightily and target bought 6 or 7 new release television season adn bridesmaids on bluray.. they did not have a couple of old shows last seasons finally onj dvd so off to amazon i went.. clicked on place order and UPS driver dave will probably deliver then by noon today..

    next tuesday about lunch time have my 6month checkin with shrink doc rob and bimonthly apt with tara my thera;pist for last 8 yrs.. these subjects have never really been looked at by us.. too many others were a bit more urgent to me..

    well their friggin urgency has passed and tuesday seems like the day to discuss my lack of self control over my urges most times.. they are not heroin or cocaine or johnny walker scotch i know ..

    this talk ought to be rich and full of a bit of humor hopefully.. Jim
  7. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    yesterday was not able to get control over everything.. well it is a new day and hoping for better results today with it all.. a pack of the cigs is my goal. no best buy or amazon with the frigging dvds.. remember to feed myself also.

    no mania splurges.. no crazy with coffee.. calm , cool and collected woudl be nice for a change..lol... now if i can manage this???
  8. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    Yeah I can definitely relate to the extreme all-or-nothing tendencies. I can't seem to do anything in moderation.
    I'm constantly smoking and drinking caffeine, too. I don't know how to stop.
    I know how hard it is to get through a day without them. I've tried almost everything to quit smoking, but it's not a nicotine dependency for me so much as an emotional need. Nicotine patches are worthless and seem to do more harm than good. Just about any conventional "quit smoking" program seems wrong for me.
    And I've abused coffee and energy drinks to the point where I thought I was going to have a heart attack before.
    It's good that you have so much support, but it sounds like a lot of pressure, too.
  9. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    thanks for sharing metamophasis.. yes the nicotene and caffeine demons are an extremely easy group of habits to just plain need.. and kicking is harder than standing on your head and spinning..

    well today going to 7-11 and buy two more packs of marlboros.. going to try and make the 2 packs last and when done go cold turkey..at this moment in middle of night thoughts are who the fuck do you think you are kidding and JC jimbo get real dummie..

    hopefully some strength and resolve will show up as needded.. geez i hope so.. Jim
  10. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hi Jim,

    Have you look into ecig (http://www.buye-cig.com/)? My bro had good luck with them quitting. As he said, its not only the nicotine, its the whole ritual of smoking that is missed. I smoke and drink coffee myself, so I understand where you are coming from. I roll mine so it slows me down to a large extent. I cant light automatically, I got to pause and take the time.
  11. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    thank you Isabel for your thoughts on the ecig.. not sure yet i want to try that but will keep it in mind just in case

    monday tomorrow i will run out of marlboros.. got a brand new script of commit nicotene replacement lozenges.. got the support from stop smoking clinic and friends, professionals also.. tuesday early in the morning when i wake up it willl be a big effort by me to not smoke.. wheh, bit scary even thinking about that..

    being clean of hard liquor since july 19th 1979 , this morning i finally dumped the contents out of this upopened fifth of Canadian Whiskey aged for 8 yrs before put into bottle by mcanughtion.. did not put into my septic tank system.. instead of that walked to edge of my property and dumped on the weeds there...

    really amazing that i kept that unopened for all this time but finally thought "jim , you need to get rid of this temptation once and for all..."
  12. darcy1

    darcy1 Well-Known Member

    you can do it.
    it will be tough.
    i quit about 4 years ago.
    it was hard.
    but eventually you get used to it and you are actually repulsed by the smell of it. i can smell a cigarette across the street. yuck.
    while i admit i do miss firing up a joint and putting on pink floyd...i do not miss smoking cigs at all.

    good luck.
  13. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    ((Darcy)) thanks for yoru words of encouragement.. got a brand new cd set of pink floyd and the wall yesterday.. had been too long since gone there.. outstanding is my comment on this music..LOL

    well i went most of a day without the cigs, mall walking with johnny and doing ok with the quit.. then a call from my ex katie telling me again that situtation at her business was desperate and she had not a clue when she would be able to look after son johnny for a night..

    this same thing has happened many times in the 21 yrs since she left and i could see if coming again but still hurts to be only caregiver for johnny.. love him dearly but 24/7 for now put me in the crapper..

    this caused me to go to nearby 7-11 and buy a pack of marlboros.. opened and help one without lighting up and then just said oh fuck it and smoked.. well done one so wtfing hell i cannot do this quit anymore now..

    felt really very down and depressed then..got some sleep adn better now.. going to email my therapist tara and let her know about this today.. also going up to 7-11 again and just give in a buy a new carton.. will try hard to do moderationa dn hold to a pack a day for awhile..

    now is not the time to quit for me.. maybe never be i realize but trying hard to keep the faith and don't stop believing.. Jim
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