Fuming Isn't The Word!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Aug 16, 2011.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    This is going to be more of a rant than asking for help, but boy am I pissed off!!!!!!!! I swear it's a good job that I'm not completely off my rocker. Bloody incompetent mental health staff!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Cut a long story short about a month ago I had a bad time with suicidal thoughts etc, attempted and failed but didn't tell anyone. Kept a mood diary like my CPN asked me too. My mood lifted after my attempt. It was a kinda planned attempt and kinda impulsive at the same time. I had researched methods and thought it would work and kept it in my mind for future reference, but the day it happened I just decided enough was enough and did it. I have been ok since then, well not suicidal. I have switched moods with a click of a finger though. One minute I'm ok, then I'm morbid and flat, then I'm ok, then I'm restless etc if that makes sense. I have also been having mild hallucinations I think. Seeing shadows, seeing weird things then when I go to look, nothing.

    Anyway 2 weeks ago my CPN was supposed to see me but never showed up and I was going to tell him all these sorts of things. I didn't have a number for him so I couldn't contact him and I looked up the number on the et but found nothing. I convinced myself I'd got the day wrong, then the week wrong. When he didn't turn up last week I just knew he had either forgotten or just not bothered turning up and that I was right in the first place. So i have been faffing around. I decided to make an appointment to see my GP, who I then found out had left so I booked in to see another.

    Cut a long story short my sleeping patterns have gona kaput again. Anyway. Today I go to see the GP. I tell her everything. The attempt, the hallucination, the moods and I was straight with her that I stopped the fluoxetine because of the nightmares it gave me. Completely honest. I don't know how I came across. I think my train of thought was a bit hard to follow at times but I gotmy point across. I was shaking throughout the appointment. She seemed very concerned. I didn't know what to make of her though. The last GP was so caring and understanding and friendly. Althought this one took in completely what I said, she didn't smile once and seemed a bit abrupt, but I suppose its the listening that counts. Anyway. She then says so you have been on the Sertraline for about a month now is that correct? I was like what? I am not taking Sertraline. I said it had been mentioned to try it for my anxiety issues but I had not actually been prescribed anything. She said oh a prescription was issued on 20th July that *** was supposed to bring to you. I said well I didn't get it. She then went on to say that in the entry about the Sertraline being prescribed it said something like fits specification for post traumatic stress disorder and asked what had been done? I said I had no frigging idea about PTSD as it had never been discussed. Only self harm and anxiety had been discussed. She said oh, well I need to get in contact with him to see what we do here whether he wants to refer you back to counselling service or come out and see you. I told her I had already been rejected for the counselling service because of the self harm and overdoses and that they wouldnt accept it until I was completely SH free. She said she was gonna ring him ASAP to see what the plan will be. She made it sound like she wanted to do a MHA assessment or something. Like it was serious. I don't think it's been that bad. Or am I just being completely naive? She said she was gonna get in contact with me later today.

    I have also got to go back later this afternoon for a flipping blood test to check my liver again. It's going to be lovely for them to try take blood from me with all the pin pricks on my veins. I left the appointment feeling so sick. With rage, anxiety, fear, everything. This week is bad enough being completely alone (although I have a little visitor coming to see me tomorrow :D). I trusted this CPN. I liked him and I could talk to him. But you know. Talking is a two way thing. He's not told me anything about plans or anything or any of this PTSD bullshit, never brought my script. Nothing. So now I quite frankly don't care. I don't want him to come see me. You know working in the general sector of the NHS I never believed it when people said mental health in the NHS was crap. After experience of it, I now believe them.

    I have calmed down a bit now. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I am just in disbelief with feelings of anxiety and rage all mixed together. Dreading the phone call. I might just ignore it.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, sweetie. So sorry you had such a bad experience.

    I'm not an NHS user, so I can't comment about that. But I do know that many government regulated services here seems to fall apart or let people fall through the cracks because of miscommunications. Perhaps we can give the cpn the benefit of the doubt and say it was a slip up at the NHS end getting info to him and then to you. At least if we give him the benefit of the doubt for now, you don't need to fume and feel let down by him - at least not until you see him or hear from someone else and confirm that he is the one who let go of the ball.

    Now, miscommunications are NOT supposed to happen, so please don't think I'm trivializing your feelings or the situation. Another good thing from this whole snag is that you have now notified the system that something went wrong. And it sounds like the GP at least feels for you and wants to get the proper help in place sooner rather than later. Those are good things.

    Ick. Blood work for liver tests. Your poor veins! Perhaps you could treat yourself to something nice after visiting the vampires. Be safe!
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I would give him the benefit of the doubt hun if he hadn't have written the appointment in his diary himself. He wrote it in when I was there! No miscommunication about it!

    I think I may treat myself to some pizza. Yummy!
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    aww hun i hate it when people are so dam incompetant i do I hope you keep on their asses and make sure things are followed up okay. You don't wait for phone call you call them you call him and you get them straight Do not put up with their screw ups okay You take control and call him and tell him appt is needed today to see him h ugs
     
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Thanks V hun. Just so blooming annoyed it's like I am not getting there at all. My GP said she was going to ring me back today with the plan so I'm just waiting. She said she'd get back asap but so far nothing grrrrrr.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    grrrrrrr i hate waiting ihope she calls soon hun. Hell if she doesn't just be forward okay call her call him be a pain in their butt then things will get done squeaky wheel sort of thing I do hope she calls soon so you have some idea of what treatment plan is happening for you hugs
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Thanks V :hug:
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Take this from it, at least this new GP has a bloody clue!
    She sounds like one of my old GPs, no bedside manner, but got everything needed sorted, done and accomplished.
    In the long run these GPs are a Godsend as they will get you what you need.
     
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Definately. Still waiting for this phone call. But I bet it's the CPN holding everything up. Bah!
     
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Can you get another CPN? He does not sound like the most professional...also, why would they reject you if you have problesm...are they waiting for you to be 'normal' before they give you services? It sound so bizzare...I would feel all of that too, but do not displace the anger...take the GP's call and see what she has to offer...big hugs
     
  11. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't know. He is the CPN for my area. And I have only got him as a short term intervention thing until they decide what to do with me. And J, when I got referred to a therapy service after I went to A&E way back in April by the mental health liaison team. Next thing I know in June I am getting a letter for a CPN to come see me. CPN tells me therapy service reject referral because I was SH at the time and they don't accept people who SH, they have to be SH free before they will accept the referral. It's flaming stupid.

    Well it's 6.35pm and she's still not called. The surgery is open until 8 tonight and I have to go back in a few mins to go for my bloods as I need liver function tests, full blood count, u&e's and INR doing.
     
  12. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Oh, sweetie. How disappointing that he put it in his calendar himself! Grrrr. I dislike it when people do things like that! Perhaps you could mention the mess up to the GP office so they are aware of how you were treated. I mean mention as in "complain".

    I hope the blood test is over and went all right.

    Yay for pizza! (It's one of my own favorite foods. :) )
     
  13. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes! complain! and do it in writing.
    Too many times the mentally ill are overlooked or ignored, so you bloody well complain!
     
  14. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When you go there for your blood test, can you check with the GP on the status of your care and referrals? It is critical that you advocate strongly for yourself, and request another CPN...The worst that can happen is that you cannot get one...best of luck with everything
     
  15. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I've just got home. Blood test was ok. I asked at reception whether the GP was still there but she wasn't. I'm giving her till tomorrow lunch time to ring me and if she hasn't I will not be a happy bunny!
     
  16. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    GP rang. She has tried on several occasions to get in touch with my CPN but all she gets is that "he's busy". He has even been in the office and not on visits when she rang. She said she will keep trying and will ring me tomorrow with a plan if there is one.
     
  17. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sounds like a great GP and a lousy CPN.
    Once, should he ever gets off his arse and actually see you, you have seen this person :dry: can you be referred on?
    Doesnt sound like he's on the ball, or maybe he is just innundated at the moment.
     
  18. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If she contacts you again, and he is not available, ask for someone else as this is not acceptable
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2011
  19. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I think I will J. I have not seen him for about a month now and I kinda really need to see him. If he doesn't speak to her again tomorrow, I will ask her what we can do and whether I can see someone else. I have pretty much blown my chances of getting therapy it will be at least another 2 months before I can be referred if I keep attempt and SH free. Hah!
     
  20. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    We have progress. CPN is going to come and see me this afternoon!!!!
     
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