functional depression

[SweetSurrender]

I don't know what to do, i've been feeling depressed again for a few weeks now. I've always had pretty much functional depression...as in i can get up every day and do what i have to do but i never get any pleasure out of doing anything. I miss the thrill of life, it has been such a long time since i've felt any excuberance and energy that can make me want to see and do everything. I miss it. Now i'm just glum and half alive and it is rotten! I can't think what is going wrong with me and why i am not yet over this all yet. I have everything in front of me and lovely family and friends and yet i am not that interested in life. I've been on venlafaxine 150mg for 9months now, that's a pretty long time. Sure it has made an improvement and lifted me out of my deep depression but now it has caught me in a trap of nothingness....or at least that is how it feels. I understand everyone has down days and weeks but this has been longer than that now and i'm pretty darn tired of it. I'm going to see a private therapist next wk so i wonder if that will help at all. It will be nice to be able to talk about things without feeling i'm dragging people down. I think my problem is that i have been depressed from 12yrs onwards and now i'm getting better (i'm 23 now), i'm not sure what normal is. Perhaps everyone feels hopeless for awhile? Anyway, i guess i'm not sure what i'm really saying, just trying to get it off my chest.

 

[EmptyLife]

i can function, too, but at home i just sleep. i've been in therapy off and for the past 30 years -- five years with one therapist until the end of last year. i've tried all kinds of medications, hospitalizations, therapiest, books -- nothing has ever helped me. so i'm thinking of when to end it all. i'm tired of living in misery every moment of every day for decade after decade. i'm fed up. i don't know what i did to deserve this.