Bumper Stickers Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART! I love animals, they taste great. EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine. "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. If you are psychic - think "HONK"!! If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies! You are depriving some poor village of its idiot! Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal! My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom Grow your own dope, plant a man. All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Jesus saves. He shoots. He scores! Dyslexics are teople poo. Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole! I used to have a handle on life but it broke Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day; Give a man a religion and he’ll starve to death praying for a fish. I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun. The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it. I plan to live forever. So far, so good. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. I’m out of estrogen and I’ve got a gun. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But usually I let him sleep in. Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass? Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Honk if you want to see my finger. Go with the flow? Only dead fish go with the flow! Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.