Funny How Easily These Feelings Can Become Overwhelming

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Oct 1, 2011.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So I came out for my college's homecoming. I came back with one of the people I knew. He is my friend, however, he is my only connection to this place. Had I come alone, I would not have done anything but waste my money.

    Being here, and all the stuff I have been doing in my life. You know my goals about getting good at socializing, and flirting. I come here and see all the wasted time. All it does is remind me of how much I wasted. Then it brings up the suicidal feelings and my overall desire to give up. I spent so much time trying to get over these feelings. But coming here and being the tag along, blows all that up. I am the same lower now that I was back then. I cannot even move in social situations. Even when drunk I freeze up and hide in corners.

    I hope that I can resist the urge to sleep in my garage when I am finally home.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that when people are social isolated, its usually because they have been in negative social environments

    if you can find a better social environment, things could be better

    a therapist might be able to help you connect with people more
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @may71: I can confirm your theory, that is for sure. However, I am so bad that I find any social situation as bad. I don't have the money to afford a therapist either.

    Oh well, I have not had a panic attack yet, and I am controlling my drinking :mhmm: but the night is young.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Are there any university programs that might have services on a sliding scale? Also, if you get real bad, go to an emergency room...they cannot turn you away
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I do not currently attend the college. I am simply visiting. Right now I cannot afford the $100 copay to go to an emergency room.
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I can relate so much. I struggle in some social situations too. I often feel like I'm still the same guy as I was when I was in elementary school, skill wise. I hope you stay safe.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    No,No,No sleeping in your garage ok!!
    You've come so far FM...don't give up
    'Fake it till you make it' if you can...pretend you're confident
    positive self talk, deep breaths...
    Hope you can relax and get some enjoyment from the homecoming
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Mr. Alex: I know I am the same social skills wise as I was in elementary school. Especially since I could not get over it with lots of drinking.

    @IV2010: I know I have come some distance. The fact that I even felt this way depressed me even more. I feel like I am a hypocrite. I am all talk, I am nothing but a worthless dreamer.

    The heavy drinking I did this weekend helped out a lot. I only spent like $9 on booze. I know I consumed way more than that. He last night I did not spend $1 on booze. Everyone was buying rounds for me. Plus my friends friends were kind enough to include me in their night. So the weekend was not all a waste. The waste is really only me.

    I bet if my friend wasn't there I might have been able to fake things a little more. :mhmm: There I go again blaming my failure on others. I think I need some time alone.
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member


  10. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Yeah I know how that feels forgottenman,I dread party's,weddings,BBQ'S and no matter how much I drink it doesn't seem to loosen me up,just get a headache to go with the fear. Take care buddy
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I just wish I could figure out how to fix this.
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :console: :arms:
    do you think you are being too hard on yourself FM?
    progress is slow sometimes...:arms:
  13. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @IV2010: Sometimes I do feel like I am being too hard on myself. Other times, I feel like not being hard on myself prevents progress....
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