Funny How Easily These Feelings Can Become Overwhelming

So I came out for my college's homecoming. I came back with one of the people I knew. He is my friend, however, he is my only connection to this place. Had I come alone, I would not have done anything but waste my money.

Being here, and all the stuff I have been doing in my life. You know my goals about getting good at socializing, and flirting. I come here and see all the wasted time. All it does is remind me of how much I wasted. Then it brings up the suicidal feelings and my overall desire to give up. I spent so much time trying to get over these feelings. But coming here and being the tag along, blows all that up. I am the same lower now that I was back then. I cannot even move in social situations. Even when drunk I freeze up and hide in corners.

I hope that I can resist the urge to sleep in my garage when I am finally home.

 

I think that when people are social isolated, its usually because they have been in negative social environments

if you can find a better social environment, things could be better

a therapist might be able to help you connect with people more

 

@may71: I can confirm your theory, that is for sure. However, I am so bad that I find any social situation as bad. I don't have the money to afford a therapist either.

Oh well, I have not had a panic attack yet, and I am controlling my drinking :mhmm: but the night is young.

 

Are there any university programs that might have services on a sliding scale? Also, if you get real bad, go to an emergency room...they cannot turn you away

 

I do not currently attend the college. I am simply visiting. Right now I cannot afford the $100 copay to go to an emergency room.

 

I can relate so much. I struggle in some social situations too. I often feel like I'm still the same guy as I was when I was in elementary school, skill wise. I hope you stay safe.

 

No,No,No sleeping in your garage ok!!
You've come so far FM...don't give up
'Fake it till you make it' if you can...pretend you're confident
positive self talk, deep breaths...
Hope you can relax and get some enjoyment from the homecoming
:arms:

 

@Mr. Alex: I know I am the same social skills wise as I was in elementary school. Especially since I could not get over it with lots of drinking.

@IV2010: I know I have come some distance. The fact that I even felt this way depressed me even more. I feel like I am a hypocrite. I am all talk, I am nothing but a worthless dreamer.

The heavy drinking I did this weekend helped out a lot. I only spent like $9 on booze. I know I consumed way more than that. He last night I did not spend $1 on booze. Everyone was buying rounds for me. Plus my friends friends were kind enough to include me in their night. So the weekend was not all a waste. The waste is really only me.

I bet if my friend wasn't there I might have been able to fake things a little more. :mhmm: There I go again blaming my failure on others. I think I need some time alone.

 

:hug:

 

Yeah I know how that feels forgottenman,I dread party's,weddings,BBQ'S and no matter how much I drink it doesn't seem to loosen me up,just get a headache to go with the fear. Take care buddy

 

I just wish I could figure out how to fix this.

 

:console: :arms:
do you think you are being too hard on yourself FM?
progress is slow sometimes...:arms:

 

@IV2010: Sometimes I do feel like I am being too hard on myself. Other times, I feel like not being hard on myself prevents progress....