Funny how Life Collapses

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Jan 9, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Wow, it has been over 2 years since I was last here. Hmmm guess the stress of college, finding a new job, and the generic stress of everyday life on your own can distract you from things. But I guess it was inevitable that I would come back to feeling this way. Right now I hate my job, however, I cannot really quit because the job market is crappy in this state. My roommates mom flaked out on her desire to provide for her cats, who are living with me, and now I have to get rid of them. Followed by the fact that the only female who was willing to spend time with me has grown bored of me and is finding others. To top it all off I am just becoming something I hate as I gain more and more weight.

    So really it is funny. How I am embroiled in job hunting, being on call, and desperately clinging to the female who spends time with me. I am thinking about suicide again. I have already thought of several ways I could kill myself today. Sadly I lack the means. So now I really wonder if suicide is just a passing thought. Or if it is something that is going to happen, and the only thing keeping me from doing it is my lack of tools to perform the dead, relatively painlessly.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I hope you'll stay and at least keep talking. I've only been here for nine or ten months, so I've never talked to you before; but in the time I've been here, I've found that this is a great place for friendship and support.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I will try to stay and keep chatting. However, given my disposition to being weak I cannot say how long that will be. Really I am hoping that something bad and irreversible happens during my project for work today, and I get fired. Then I would find the means.

    Plus if any of my current relationships are any sign of the kind of friend I am, you probably want to keep FAR far away from me.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Forgotten keep posting. Everyone needs someone. Well you've found your someones here. Let us see how we can help you through this. The thoughts and feelings are a passing fad. Unfortunately they keep returning when we least need them to. Sort of like the fashions of the 60's (lol).

    And I tend to like "the odd man out" personalities myself. Who knows what "secrets to life" you'll find around here. But you wont know unless you stick around and find out. Hang in there. You are stronger than you can imagine, especially with a little help.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I hope you continue to post and talk with us as it sure helps and sounds like you could use some friends that have been there and understand you.
    Your username makes me sad... you won't be forgotten here I hope you know

    Take care, B
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @itmahanh:Funny how stress can mask an issue. Only to bring it back.

    @Bambi:Understanding is definitely something that I am lacking in my life. Then again, when you have a better life than most people often times wonder how you can be this way.

    Then again, given that I have a rather grim view of others and reality I am not to surpised that people do not understand why I do not want to live.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yes all of the expectations are what make me want to live alone with no one around. Too bad I get this weird annoying feeling that I am missing something when I am truly alone.
  9. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    you're still here that's a start

    you say you're weak but truly if you have the courage to even seriously consider ending your life then stop with the notion that it makes you weak

    wanting to give up because right now there's not enough to make you feel truly complete and happy does NOT make you a weak person and those that say so are SHEEP and just stupidly and mindlessly repeating what everyone else say's etc

    if your woman is looking for others then tell her to f*ck off

    no if's and's but's or maybe's you deserve better so start demanding it not expecting or waiting for it and make sure you do it in a way that leaves her with NO illusions that those that treat others in such a manner deserve no respect and will eventually suffer themselves at which point if you do manage to hang on you can laugh as she then desperately tries to back track

    trust me i've seen it happen and there's nothing so warming to a dead soul than to see those that deserve pain suffering

    but still try to talk and hang on

    i don't have all the answers or any you would be willing to hear but i do relate in some senses i guess

    hope you feel better soon
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Currently lazyness is what is keeping me here. The various methods I have in mind require effort... and right now I am feeling lazy.

    With my female friend, lets just say that our relationship is screwed up in general. She is not my "woman" she is just a friend. Really the only female friend I have ever had, I only met her 2 years ago. Anyway, she deserves better than me. Granted it might be rather taunting of her to associate with me once she has an official boyfriend.

    Another problem is that I do not believe I deserve better. In fact what I have is too good for me. I do not even deserve what I have. I just got lucky in most peoples eyes.
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