Wow, it has been over 2 years since I was last here. Hmmm guess the stress of college, finding a new job, and the generic stress of everyday life on your own can distract you from things. But I guess it was inevitable that I would come back to feeling this way. Right now I hate my job, however, I cannot really quit because the job market is crappy in this state. My roommates mom flaked out on her desire to provide for her cats, who are living with me, and now I have to get rid of them. Followed by the fact that the only female who was willing to spend time with me has grown bored of me and is finding others. To top it all off I am just becoming something I hate as I gain more and more weight. So really it is funny. How I am embroiled in job hunting, being on call, and desperately clinging to the female who spends time with me. I am thinking about suicide again. I have already thought of several ways I could kill myself today. Sadly I lack the means. So now I really wonder if suicide is just a passing thought. Or if it is something that is going to happen, and the only thing keeping me from doing it is my lack of tools to perform the dead, relatively painlessly.