Funny isnt it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by me myself and i, Oct 1, 2010.

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  1. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    For two years now i have existed in what can only be described as a living bereavement, my wife now a part of my history and my children taken away to play happy families with "new, super plastic dad' Coupled with no living family, a new area to me so no real proper friends, so i can be near my babies even if i rarely see them. A business that went bust in the recession, big debts and a history that still makes me shiver when i remember my childhood. I guess that when i look in the mirror the truth really hurts and i know how i played my role in fucking it all up, but can also look at myself and hold my heart in that i tried everything to keep my family together. Too late though! Once my ex- wife commited adultery and fell in love i have had to try to come to terms with that very fact. They say love is letting go, but fuck, thats the hardest thing i have ever done and everyday i have to work on myself.
    For all this time i have kept this in, stomach churning roll in a ball nights, the endless hours of pacing and turning, paceing and turning. Depression and loneliness is a destructive cocktail and i take a big gulp everyday, swallowing it when really its up to me to spit it out.
    At last i have found an outlet and though in reality its the physical presence of love i really want, and i dont mean sex, as i have said its the bit that gets you to the bedroom door that interests me.
    I feel here the empathy and pain in others and the desire to help others and talk, even if its just a ramble has made all the difference.
    I hope i can stay strong enough to hang in there and become the person i used to be(minus the devil on my shoulder)
    Thank you, all of you,
    Peace
     
  2. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    pete you are a good person.. i know your strong enough to change anything you want it your life.. your full of wisdome and care.. without you i wouldnt have made it past the last few days.. you have helped me so much..

    i really hope you find some peace within yourself soon.. because you are deserving of it
    everyone here will support you when things are tough

    hold on in there

    Aimee xxx
     
  3. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    Hi pete, i'm really sorry for what you have been and are going through. it sounds like you have lost everything. It is good that you have found this forum though. there are a lot of caring people on here and a wealth of knowledge. stay strong my friend.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think you will be strong pete. You show it in your post and by sharing your pain with others here. Keep holding on. But you dont have to do it alone. There are a lot of good people here that really understand how you feel. Dont give up on yourself, others here wont. Welcome to SF and I hope you find all the support you'll need to get through this dark place :arms:
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi pete. At some point you just have to come to the realization that your wife has moved on and you'll have to do that as well. You will always be the father of your children. That will never change no matter how bad things get. Maybe it's time you started looking for a new relationship?
     
  6. MCull

    MCull New Member

    Thank you for your words pete. It helps to know that others who suffer loss are finding a way through it.
     
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