I don't want to buy another bottle of vodka. It's around 4:30 pm, and since 1 O'Clock I thought about it. I've really tried to cut my drinking but I keep failing, I get all a lone and isolated and I can't resist. I'm so miserable when I'm not drunk, but sometimes I get too drunk and I'm still in a pretty shit mood. Wish I had weed right now, but I can't afford it these days. It's like I always need a buzz just to deal with life, if isn't coffee in the morning, its gotta be alcohol. I just tired of wasting my money on it, in the end, it's just chemical happiness, its not real, and fades suprisingly quick. and I'm only happy for that moment of drunkness, but I'm still very much a lone, still very much unable to cope most of the time. I feel weak because of it, and that only compounds things. I don't want to give it up completely, it's the only god damn thing I have most days, but instead of making me social and happy like it use too. I just get real sick sometimes and angry, I drink mostly a lone these days, but who want's to hang out with a drunk in his living room anyways? Argh I wish I had the strength to fight this.