Future being ruined by parents.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by S.S, Sep 24, 2010.

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  1. S.S

    S.S New Member

    So, ever since grade 9 my career goal has been to go into computer engineering and my parents have been proud and supportive. They have also set up an RESP for me so I wouldn't have to work and pay for my university education. I am in grade 12 now and I have recently been feeling that it's not the right career for me so I told them that instead of computer engineering I wanted to take a double degree of business administration and computer science. Because of this, my parents are taking away my university savings. This leaves me with no money for university during my final year of high school. The situation is really bad at home and I just don't know what to do.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi SS...how unfair...it sounds like they are living their dreams through you...you have chosen a worthy alternative, one any parent would be proud their child has chosen so I do not understand their resistence...can you talk to them about why they are reacting in this way??? hope this works out...big hugs, J
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Well, that really sucks...
    They may change their minds though, you know?
    You should express to them that you're going to do your best at whatever it is that you want to do and you'd like for their support.

    If they don't support you, there are plenty of government and bank loans, scholarships, grants and other ways to get money for school.
    Many many people go through college or university without getting a penny from their parents and they do just fine.
    Don't think about the debt you accumulate- think about getting to where you want to be in life and doing what makes you happy.
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Where are you planning on getting your degree? What is the total cost of tuition?

    My advice to you is carefully consider your situation. If they're willing to revoke the money over this, they could (and likely will) threaten the same if you disobey them in any way. You need to decide if a strategy of appeasement is going to work for four years (I assume that's the length of your degree) or if you're going to make your own choices and live your own life.

    My parents can't (won't) support me. It hurts, but I don't need them to get what I want from life. If you don't think that the degree that they want for you is the right choice, you need to either make them see reason, or go ahead with your choice.
  5. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Jeez that's incredibly harsh. I agree with John in the notion that it seems like your parents are the incredibly possessive and tyrant like. This is definitely not a good sign for future years to come if this is how they react when things don't go exactly how they envisioned them to be. For your situation I can see three options at hand:

    1) Cave in. Go back to your previous major with your parents' financial support and follow through, possibly putting up with any issues of control your parents spit out for a great deal of your life.

    2) Productive rebellion. Continue with your own chosen major and look for ways of earning a tuition fund for yourself. This could include getting a part time job, looking for scholarships, and applying for financial aid if your college of choice offers it.

    3) Deceptive incubation. Some of you may not like the idea of tactically lying and deceiving people, especially one's parents but in terms of tactics this could harbor an easier path for the time being. You could tell your parents that you've changed your mind to regain their financial support and peace of mind. But upon entering college with full tuition paid, choose your major of choice instead of what was agreed on and proceed to head up to option 2 for independence.

    Just my 3 cents, good luck.
  6. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    I think their response is reasonable and that you should go along with the agreed course. Consider their view point. If you have changed your mind about what is right for you now, then you might change it again half way through and ''go off and find yourself''....or something equally romantic.

    It might have worked out differently if instead of ''telling them'', you'd discussed it and asked their advice.
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Oh please, that's bullshit. "Do something you don't want now because you *might* not want to do something else later". Either path sounds practical, and it's quite unreasonable of his parents to take the funds away - it's not like he's changing to a liberal arts major, he's hardly changing his decision at all!

    Two thoughts I have:
    One, go to a public university, get loans, live with it. You can't force your parents to pay.
    Two, find a B.Eng/MBA program. Like what you're looking at now, perhaps a little more intense, but also more rewarding and in line with what your parents expect. I can definitely see their argument: an engineering degree is a very, very valuable thing to have.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2010
  8. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    You say my advice is b***** and then you say ''I can definitely see their argument''.

    Bit confused there aren't we?
  9. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    The reason for your advice is bullshit, it doesn't coincide with theirs. They're not refusing because he's changing his mind, they're changing it because he's not going into enginering.
  10. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    If he hasn't changed his mind then what's all the fuss about? I suggest you try and read the OP before making comments about sound advice being b*******.
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    You're not getting this. The money isn't being refused for the reason that his mind changed. The money is being refused because he changed his mind to -something other than engineering-. I'm almost positive they'd have supported his change to mechanical or chemical or electrical engineering - what family wouldn't want an engineer or a doctor among their offspring?
  12. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    I know how hard it is to select the right future career. I am there now.
  13. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Children are not the property of their parents. At no point in human history (that I am aware of) has peaceful discussion with an oppressor ever secured freedom.

    And if the OP wants to ''go off and find yourself'', then it's his right to do so. He just has to accept that his parents are not going to be pleased/pay for it.
  14. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    All i have to say is, do what YOU want to do. It is YOU who will be doing this career for hopefully the rest of your life until retirement. It is YOUR life not theirs. I personally don't see why they are so unsupportive over your change in mind.. i mean they're both great jobs. If you had changed your mind to something 'dead end' then i could understand but both business and engineering are good jobs to have. I'm sorry they are threatening to take it away, again don't go back to the original plan because of them, if you truly want to go into business administration then do that they are not the ones who will be doing your job, YOU. Do what YOU want to do even if it means having to take a loan out and pay for it yourself. Your parents will (hopefully) accept it eventually.
  15. S.S

    S.S New Member

    Thanks for the support everybody. I really appreciate it. I have decided to follow my own path and take the said double degree. As for my parents I am still trying to reason with them but if it doesn't work out I've realized it's not the end of the world and there are other options offered by the government and universities. Again, I thank you all for the support.
  16. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I think you're making the right decision. I wish you the best of luck getting your degrees. If you ever need help, just send a PM!
  17. hatch

    hatch Member

    Typically when I pay for something I expect to get it also. If I were you I would tell them you don't want their money at all and make my own way. Then don't call home for months/years on end when you leave home. Tit for tat.
  18. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    I would check and see whos name the RESP is in. I know that my daughters RESP is in here name so I can't touch the money ever. I can add to it but I can't take it out.
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