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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by triggs, Jul 1, 2009.

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  1. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    i constantly plan things
    it's like a little get-away for me, if that makes sense
    i plan the future to get away from what's happening now
    but recently, i just can't seem to do it.
    whenever i think of the future
    it's just not there anymore.
    all of the things i used to dream about doing
    even though i knew they'd never happen, i could hope
    but now, i don't see my future at all.
    i don't even know if i can bare trying to think about it
    because it just seems bleak from here on.
    it's not even that i'm sad about it
    i just don't feel anything.
    i'm so numb i can't even think anymore :cry:
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I've been through a similar kind of thing myself. Everything seemed pointless so why bother planning anything. Now I have started getting out and about again I find I am coping a bit better with things and as you know I now have plans myself for things I want to do. You do have a future so don't give up on the ideas you have. Some of them will happen. Love and best wishes.
  3. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    I think I know what you mean. I used to keep myself going by thinking about all the things I would do once I finished college. I had so many plans and ambitions...but now that I'm just six months away from graduating, I don't even want to finish school anymore. I've realized that my goals are all unrealistic, so planning is pointless, since I'm only going to disappoint myself and everyone else.

    What are some of the dreams you used to have? The future seems bleak now, but some of them could still happen as long as you don't give up. I'm sorry I don't have much advice, since I feel sort of the same way. But I'm always here to listen if you want to talk about anything. :hug:
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I do this quite a lot too. Perhaps you could try writing it as a story? I don't know how into creative writing you are, i intend to be a journalist, so this is my preferred method, but it can be easier to plan you future if your writing it as if it's for someone else.
    Try it, it might help :)
  5. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    thanks everyone, the replies are appreciated :heart:
    i'm trying not to give up, it's just difficult when i don't see any point in keeping on anymore.
    i used to want to be a doctor, but i screwed that up, and then a mental health nurse but i'm just assuming that will never happen, knowing me.
    i do love writing, i've been writing a novel for a while now, but it's no good, not really, and to start something else when i haven't finished that would be.. i don't know, i just have sort of OCD about that sort of thing.

    thanks though guys - guess i'm just going to have to fight myself through this one
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Triggs!

    wow,writing a novel! Good luck with it hun :) See..there are rays of light shining on a dark cloud. Hold on to them, you're strong,you'll get through this.
    Do you have someone to talk about how you're feeling to? If not, then maybe find a therapist, therapy can make a huge difference. :)
    I wish you the best of luck, keep talking if it helps x
  7. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    thankyou hun :smile:
    i tried talking to one of my friends, and she says she's there for me, but i don't know - it's weird because i'm usually the one trying to help everyone else. i need to break down that barrier i think, i just don't know how.
    i never know whether i should try to get a therapist .. there seems to be so many other people who have far worse problems than me and i don't want to get in the way of someone who actually needs one when i don't know if i do or not... confusing :(
    i don't think my novel will go anywhere, it's pretty much finished, but there's so much i need to add/change and i just don't feel like it.. i never feel like anything anymore
    it was never this hard before :(
  8. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    I wasn't sure I had anything to contribute until you mentioned you were writing a novel. I know how hard that is. I would say that you should finish it, even if it's bad. I have a bad novel sitting on a shelf too, and am waiting to gain enough knowledge or maybe enough strength to go back and make it a good novel.

    Robert Heinlein once talked about why he was never reluctant to give advice on how to write, knowing that he might be arming his own competition. He said that out of 100 people, most only talk about writing a novel, even fewer get more than a couple of chapters written and very few actually get all the way to the end. I think he estimated that only 1 in a 100 will ever submit a novel for publication.

    So think what an accomplishment it will be to get all the way to the last page. You'll be one of 3 or 4 people in a 100 who actually does that. So what if it's bad? They all start out bad, and some even get published even though they're bad (I've read lots of them).

    As for the rest, I don't know if I can advise you. I can only say that I've been there. I was always waiting to start my life after I finished school, after I lost weight. Always after. And now I just don't see a way to get where I want to be.

    Here I deleted a rant where I make this post all about me. . . .

    But let me offer advice as if I weren't struggling myself I heard this from a world class motivational speaker: If your dreams don't make other people laugh at you, then they're not big enough.

    I invite you to pretend as if you're not feeling hopeless right now. Pretend that you're perfectly capable of realizing your biggest dreams. What are they? Will you tell us? I'd love to know what they are, and to share mine. Maybe other people want to do the same.
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey. I know exactly how you feel. No future in sight for me, or at least a future that seems appealing.
    I am so idealistic and even if all my dreams came true I probably wouldn't be satisfied.
    Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I'm here if you need a friend :heart:
  10. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    thankyou bright1 :hug:
    maybe i have already done something then... i have written a bad novel :giggle:
    you make it sound like such a great thing :laugh:

    my biggest dream... this may sound a bit ridiculous
    i've always wanted to be like Mother Teresa .. not everything about her, just really the helping bit. i'd love to travel somewhere where there are so many people that need helping, and be in the thick of it - help them directly you know. i send money out to charities to help in africa and places and i help volunteer to raise awareness and money for things that are so far away and that i never feel completely connected with or as if i'm really helping. if i could do that, if i could go and help people first hand, dedicate my life to it - i'd feel as if i'd be doing something every day.
    but i'm hopeless
    i'm completely and utterly hopeless. that will never happen, i know it
    that's why it's a 'dream' :(

    and thankyou Spencer :hug:
    i just don't know what i need or what right now
    i hope your sights improve :) after all you have your band don't you.. you could go somewhere with your music?
  11. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    It's not my intent to browbeat you about why you're not doing something when getting through the day is accomplishment enough. But why can't you do this thing you want to do, help people directly?

    I'm new, and I realize that you might have kids or whatever. So I'm not accusing, I'm just asking.
  12. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    well i can, sort of, but not enough - i help my friends, and my family when they need it. and people on here i try to help to.. though feel as if i fail most of the time really.
    but if i really wanted to help, it costs so much money to be able to go places where they need help, i'm not medically trained, i don't even know first aid, and i'm going to university in september so it wouldn't give me much time to get a job and training before going somewhere to help people. and i'm going to uni to do a completely unrelated course to what i want my future to be about. i think that's part of the reason why i just can't see my future anymore. i feel sort of... stuck.
  13. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Laura, people who write books and are going to university are generally quite intelligent people. I know from your posts and messages that you certainly are. You can get that future you want. Don't let go of that dream. Even if your actual course isn't related to such work there are a lot more things at uni than just your course. There are lots of things you could get involved with while you are there. You are about to start a new chapter in your life which can make the future seem unclear. That's because it is something new, something you haven't experienced before. For some is can seem a bit scary as well. I know I felt like that but I found that being a student was great. Hope it is for you too. Simon. :hug:
  14. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    thankyou simon :hug:
    i know it's meant to all be great and a new experience, and i usually love change, being able to move on from things that have gone badly - but what if it all goes badly at uni too? i hate not knowing what's going to happen next. i've always been pretty good at guessing where i'm headed, but now i have no clue and i dont' know if i can deal with that :(
    ugh i know this is so stupid, i just don't see anything anymore
    no future... no hope... nothing
  15. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Why are you studying something completely unrelated to what you want to do? I got stuck doing that for a long time because I wanted to do something that my family would approve of, but I just ended up making myself miserable.

    I know getting into medical school and being a doctor is hard, but I can't think of any reason why you can't still be a nurse. My best friend is a nurse in a mental health hospital. He's only had a couple years of school, and he really loves his job. Becoming a nurse would give you the medical training to go out and help people anywhere you want. Don't give up! :hug:
  16. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    to be truthful, i haven't actually looked up how to become a nurse, i just assumed it would be in the general direction of becoming a doctor, and i've messed up being able to get into uni to do that...
    i'm doing sociology and criminology at university - because i'm good at it, and i find it interesting. but knowing stuff about society and crime and things like that isn't very useful when trying to get a job in health and nursing...
    i'm trying not to give up, but i don't know what to do to get the ball rolling again
    i don't see a way out of this
    i can't just give up on my degree.. can i? agh i don't know :(
  17. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    I live in the US so I'm not sure how you would go about becoming a nurse in the UK. But I think you should definitely look into it! In the US, at least, it's much easier than becoming a doctor. And you can't give up until you at least know what the requirements are. I think you would feel better about the future if you were on a path to doing something that you really wanted to do.
  18. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I used to plan things, future, but not to distract myself... i guess i beleived i have a future. But i was young. As the time was passing, and things were happening, i realised that i might not have future, but i set myself a goal: i will achieve something before 30, and will provide myself a good future, and if i fail, i wont live over 30. But i was still young and couldnt realise that i might get tired trying to do that unsuccessfully. So here i am at 27, and i dont see how will i make it to 30, and i stopped trying to do something about 2 years ago, i was just living zombie, dead man walking.
    Now i feel completely dead inside, i dont see my future, and i dont plan at all. I dont even plan for tomorow, im just waiting the time to pass, and its painfully slow.

    I would ask you how old are you? And why you lost interest about the future?
    Also, i would suggest to try to find something to do, to set a goal, because as time goes, your negative feelings might become stronger than you.
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    triggs you are so compassionate you would make a great social worker or mental health nurse. You have the insight into helping so many others as you can relate to their suffering. It is truly in you to help others and care never doubt that I see how you care here dont' give up on yourself okay you have so much to give.
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