Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Lorax, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm doing okay. My aderrall is really helping me function & anxiety & panic & mood. I'm kind of having to force food & water, but that's normal & I'm the same weight.

    I have all the stuff I wanted, pokèmon, majoras mask, 3ds, got money in the bank, respect, attention, work. I should be happy right?

    I'm just so bored… I can't get into anything. & I feel so alone. Like I just can't make a 'real' connection with anyone. I just feel so trapped, like I'm just diverting everyone from getting close too close to me.

    I think I'm missing my 'gone' love/ friend. I don't want to replace her, so I just shut everyone out & hide.
  2. SynapseR

    SynapseR Member

    Hey there Lorax,
    I can somewhat relate to some of your feelings. There was a time when I was a successful college student that was already working whilst studying. Financially I was more comfortable than ever, despite still being in college. I had friends, but I completely ignored my personal life.

    I felt empty, I tried to compensate that with material things, like games, gadgets, you name it. At that time, I didn't even know what was missing, so you are way more aware than I was.

    You have to put some work into relationships, it's not easy and most of the time they will fail. That is part of the process.
    You don't have to replace your old friend, in a way she is irreplaceable, you have to make room for someone else, because that is what you need.

    Have you tried to talk about your feelings to someone outside this forum? I feel like people are usually more sympathetic than we think they are. There are lots of people that are feeling the same way that you do. You are not alone, okay? :)

    Feel free to vent anytime you want, I'll be here and I'm sure other members will be here too.

    Big hugs.
  3. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Aww, for some reason that message really picked me up.*

    I felt particularly stressed today, then I got upset over not having the forms for 1 gun I really want. Or the funds on another. (Not for self harm, I just want to take up the hobby)*

    I am by no means rich, but I do feel pretty comfy right now. But I just don't want to play my games, or watch tv, or be at work for more meaningless items. I just want to make actual friends.*

    Yea, I'm usually happier after relationships end. Romantic ones at least. I just have a tendency to meet people that are way too serious, or not really invested.*

    Nope, no one will ever replace her. I am in love. Or I think it is, after 6+ years. But she is quite literally unobtainable. Some days I just want to tell her, let her know I love her, I want to protect her, I want her love.*

    But the truth is too much, so I hold my love for the one that's flying with Elvis. She was so special to me… and I still cry when I get reminded of her.*

    I don't really open up outside here. The few people I share things with, spread it like hot butter. I have an amazing ability to handle things on my own, but I don't always know the best advice, and I rarely don't want to be alone.*

    I have started talking with a coworker when we cross roads. She's really upfront, but open minded. & my mng just loves me, so being acknowledged helps.*

    Trust me, I'm Empathetic to the point of being a personality defect. I know there are sympathetic people. But I've seen lots of liars too. I just need *variety I think.*