Its 6 a.m. and I am staring at this blank screen. I feel blank so I guess thats ok. So much inside me and I've wanted to talk about it for a while but everytime I start to do so that interior voice stops me. "Don't tell." I spend my days staring at chat. I have for almost 2 years now I think, not sure as time has begun to blur. I am "stuck" as my therapist says. This last week was very hard and this is probably not the place to get into it but a repressed memory surfaced. Horrible doesn't even cover it. I have resorted to drawing pictures for my therapist as it seems there is a part of me that knows things that I don't and can be accessed that way. Therapist says not DID but very strong inner child. I don't know. But she screams at me a lot and wants to self harm. Therapist says its progress that I have worked through this time, but I feel like shit. Piles of things in the house, dishes, laundry, bills, can't even see the kitchen table because of all the stuff on there. Chaos within, chaos without. I've been sleeping as much as I can, curled up in a ball in bed. But there are only so many hours I can stay asleep. At this point I'm wanting to sleep and not wake up. I dread another day. If you've read this rambling I thank you.