Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by texaskitty, Jan 29, 2011.

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  1. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Its 6 a.m. and I am staring at this blank screen. I feel blank so I guess thats ok. So much inside me and I've wanted to talk about it for a while but everytime I start to do so that interior voice stops me. "Don't tell."

    I spend my days staring at chat. I have for almost 2 years now I think, not sure as time has begun to blur. I am "stuck" as my therapist says.

    This last week was very hard and this is probably not the place to get into it but a repressed memory surfaced. Horrible doesn't even cover it.

    I have resorted to drawing pictures for my therapist as it seems there is a part of me that knows things that I don't and can be accessed that way. Therapist says not DID but very strong inner child. I don't know. But she screams at me a lot and wants to self harm. Therapist says its progress that I have worked through this time, but I feel like shit.

    Piles of things in the house, dishes, laundry, bills, can't even see the kitchen table because of all the stuff on there. Chaos within, chaos without.

    I've been sleeping as much as I can, curled up in a ball in bed. But there are only so many hours I can stay asleep. At this point I'm wanting to sleep and not wake up.

    I dread another day. If you've read this rambling I thank you.
  2. Lost

    Lost Staff Alumni

    Progress seems good even though I can't imagine what you must be going through to get there. :(
    Be strong for yourself and we are here if you need us ever. :hug:

    Best of love and luck to our Angie! :wub:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Always here is you need have the digits...use them my is so brave to go back there, knowing how painful it can feel very proud of yourself...please let me know what I can do...big hugs and much caring...J
  4. Pécheur

    Pécheur Account Closed

    Angie, we're all here for you babe to go through this with you, I don't mind you sharing anything you like no matter how deep the conversation may be, "a problem shared is a problem halved". You have me on Msn and you know you can PM me anytime.

    You know that even drawing pictures is something right? I hope you don't feel like you're not getting anywhere with this.

    Can I make some suggestions? You can just pass them off if you like :smile:

    - Write down what you would like to achieve during the day, like real goals. I know that I set my standards that high I can't even start them because I know I'm probably going to fail. So how about making a pile of bills, opening them and throwing the envolopes away and picking one to sort out every 2 hours?

    - Fold some clothes up into a pile and doing a quarter of the pile today, then same tomorrow. It just gives you something to do, keep you busy and it's helping you get back on track.

    I'm sorry if it sounds silly, I just hope you know you have help and people to lean on. We all love you Angie so stay strong you can do this :hug:
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i'd like to steal your advise as it sounds as if it would help me too. excellent advise and thank you!!!
  6. Pécheur

    Pécheur Account Closed

    Go ahead, only suggested it because it seems to help me get things in order and would like to share it. It really does work, hope you're okay :hug:

    Angiieee :wub: you.
  7. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Im thinking about you Angie, i often do.
    Being stuck, is better than going backwards.
    Sometimes we all need a space to work out ourselves, finding a moment or two to work on each little problem, making that hill smaller day by day.
    Im often around, please come and find me, my ears are always open to you.
    Love Pete x
  8. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hi Angie,

    You know I am usually one pm or MSN away. Nobody can walk for you those last punishing miles, but you know darn well we are quite a few cheering you and encouraging you from the sidelines cause we care about you and we want you to make it to the recovery line. When you hike a mountain, the last miles are always the most difficult but the harder it gets, the closest you are to reach the top. So, don't give up. You deserve to be happy honey!
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well in a way you have had a breakthrough this buried memory coming through now it can be dealt with with help from therapist. I like how you use pictures to help get you thoughts across i use poetry as my words don't make sense too mush sometimes. Keep pushing forward okay small steps at a time you made first step out of being stuck so good for you Let us know how it goes with T okay hugs
  10. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    Good I am glad that you're resorting to drawing pictures and showing your Therapist whats going on through drawings. Don't say that you feel like Shit that is not right you have us
  11. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i understand. sometimes i just dont want to get up.
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