Mother fucker, fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. God fuckin' damnit. fuckin' all the happiness i've felt is gone. it doesn't matter now, nothing fuckin' seems to matter because eventually it all fades. It all gets ripped away, it all gets torn from me. Why is it that i let people get to me? why is it that i let people interfere with my true happiness. why do i let them make me feel the only solution is to cut or punch something or just drive ad never come back? all in all i feel like i'm fuckin' walking in circles everyday. Like im just reliving shit when all i want is it to go away. I'm constantly reminded that all im worth is a good fuck and a thank youl It's all I'm worth. i'm a whore, i know this. no one has to remind me of that anymore. no need to make me aware b/c Kell is already aware of what she is...she's aware of her worth, aware of everything that people tell me. I am nothing, i am trash, i am useless, i am a retchid mistake that just needs to resolve the pain somehow. I can't believe that i let myself get this upset..to the point of hyperventilation When have i ever let people effect me this much? I know its over something absolutely trivial but for some reason everything has been sparking me, it's never ending lately...never ending that everything seems to trigger me. I think i need ot just smash my head up against a wall..tell myself to get over the past...get over everything, get over shit that i shouldn't dwell on. i obviously need to practice what i preach about stop living in the past but damnit I can't! i can't move on from shit that has happened to me for years. i can't move on b/c 11 years of shit has been bottle up inside of me and i eventually i knew it would come to this. Why have i let it coem to this????