Gah

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Jul 1, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    why does THAT subject get to me so much. Thinking about one thing, leads to thinking about another, then another, then another. Never fecking stops :mad: one word gets to me so damn much ........................ DRUGS. Family torn apart by drugs, gets to me so much and i don't even have a problem with drugs. Never done drugs, had the chance to but choose not to because I've seen the worst affects it can have on a family ........ someone dying from an overdose.

    Now a fecking lyrics in a song has just triggered me :mad: '''sniffing on snow, when your feeling low''

    What the fuck is my problem.

    Tried to be some what honest with my mum today, now all i can think is that shes pissed at me. I told her i don't feel safe at home. When I'm at home I'm usually there alone. I have what i need to do it at home. All I'm trying to do is keep myself safe and all i can think is that shes mad at me :sad:

    I know she feels theres nothing she can do but thats the truth she cant do anything to help. Just let me do what i feel is best for me right?? How the hell am i meant to turn around and tell her that shes got another kid who wants to kill them selfs.

    Found out my brothers been cutting as well, then she found out i do as well. I can't put this pressure on her again, supporting a suicidal kid. I need to leave her. Not put that pressure on her AGAIN. Last time i saw her have a breakdown in front on me. I'm not prepared to do that to her again. Theres no way in hell I'm gonna be the reason for her to break down again. I can't.

    Meh can't think anymore. Should just drink it all away. At least when I'm drunk I'm pissed enough to do damage to myself. Can't now.

    Just wanna fecking SCREAM, punch a door, cut, throw everything against a wall. So much anger in me and i don't know where its coming from but i just want it out of me. It's driving me mad. Gonna sounds stupid but i want the anger out of me but i scare myself when i completely loose it. I'm not me when i loose my temper. Just end up smashing up my room for the littlest things. Meh i dunno what to do anymore.

    Am just chatting shit to myself, trying to get it out of my head so me can be the happy one.
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Darling i love you. and im sorry you are feeling so bbad. as you know my battery is about to go so i cant say much. but i love you and ill keep you safe i promise xx
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Off the wall thought here...but what about moving in with Sam?
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :hug: vikki I know how difficult this can be for you. You need to take care of yourself. as for the trigger, we never know when it will occur, but when you learn to recognize them for what they are and know the reason behind them, you begin to deal with them better. Take care hun. :hug:
     
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thanks both, sorry for this. Just need to let it out before i ended up doing something stupid. Me knew it was gonna build up till the point that i snapped, better to let it out before that point eh?

    And as for that Terry, i would love too but it wouldn't really work lol. Mum not really happy about me being up here to try keep myself safe, shed go ape shit if i moved up here. Which is pretty ironic considering all she use to do is moan at me about moving out. Made me feel so wanted :dry:
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    She'd get over it Viks and seems to me you could do with a change of scene and Sams could do with the support.
    How about suggesting to mum that you try it out for a few months as you would like some independance. If you make it all positive she might not flip so much.