Game over - a life of lies, no more

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Oct 11, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I can't take anymore. More memories, more pain, uncertainity, what happened, is there more..I've lost days, hours. my uncle may have done things I don't remember, I don't want to remember, yet my head seems content on thinking trying to remember, I'm messed up and can't think straifght. I'm at the end of the line, the tightrope has snapped. Game over.
     
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    there is nothing, time waits for no1, so why wait for time. U fight and fight when the final outcome is always the same death, why prolong the only possible outcome to life? I wish I could tell people to fight, it will get better, life will improve, but it doesn't 28 years old and what do I have to show? scars on my arms, legs, body...great ain't it. Well no more. I've been out, I've brought many different tablets, and purchased some morphine. I've been feeling suffocated all day, quick sand pulling me down, I've tried to reach out to ask for support but I don't know how to, the way I ask for support doesn't work and I just get ignored, or laughed at. well life has always been a joke. but not anymore. I will do it my way. I will die knowing i tried to fight, I gave it my best. I called sams, they didn't help, sound to much like my mum.
     
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I'm stuck in a time and place
    looking around for a safe face
    everyone around wants to hurt me more
    its they game, who can cause the most pain

    Mother:
    She hated me from the day i was born
    never loved me, I feel so torn
    She never cuddled me or said goodnite
    not that it mattes I'll be alright

    Playing the games with my mind
    making me feel i'm going insane
    not believing a word I said
    blaming me for everything instead

    I don't know what i done wrong
    why she has hated me for so long
    She wants me to die a painful death
    watch me as I take my last breath

    then she will be free from me.

    Father:
    I was always he's number one
    I didn't release the pain had just begun
    He would tuck me into bed
    hold me, touch me, I mis-read.

    I thought it was love and care
    I was he's girl no need to share
    he couldn't handle what i had to say
    so the man I loved walked away.

    the love I thought was clean and pure
    i realise now I was immature
    He held me to close for it to be love
    he touched, kissed me where its not love

    Michael:
    During the day we would play
    laughing and joking was the way
    then nite time came
    and he started another game

    I cried like nothing on the first nite
    so he got into my bed and held me tight
    He touched me and told me it would be alright
    I couldn't so no i had to be polite

    Everynite the games would start
    The pain in my stomach and my heart
    I was being hurt every nite, torn inside
    I wish so hard that I hadn't ever cried

    John:

    I was ill, you took your chance
    did you plan it in advance
    locked the door
    made me stand on the floor

    I had no energy, I couldn't breath
    what i was feeling, felt like death
    You took my body
    and hurt me badly

    then u called for my mum
    your a piece of scum
    I was ill, i had no fight
    now I can't forget that night.

    Lee
    memories show me the day
    kiss chase was the play
    I said no and ran away
    that nite I would pay

    In the park we was playing
    he came over and started messing
    He pulled me down and I feel
    to the ground, I was now in hell

    I can't tell you what took place
    I want to hide it and erase
    the memories, he's face
    too much for me to brace.

    "Charlie"

    What can I say, I don't understand
    why he done the things and made me play
    The things that happened I can't explain

    Paul and Daniel

    We had good times
    Fouling around having a laugh
    then over to the woods
    there they would take their goods

    They changed within a second
    did i feel scared or even threatned?
    no, I just let them do what they wanted
    and then watched them as they walked away

    Stunned and shocked about what took place
    I got back up, my life was a disgrace.

    The latest memory
    The last nail in the coffin.....


    everyone around wants to hurt me more
    its they game, who can cause the most pain

    not no-more, I surrender, the game is over
    you win.
     
  4. chasing_dreams

    chasing_dreams Well-Known Member

    please don't give up :hug: if the ways you've been asking for support haven't worked so far there will be something else that you can try, some things work great for some people, but others find they have to go down a different route. please keep fighting hun, you're worth too much to give up now. i'm here if you ever need to talk xx
     
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