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gave my counsellor the note

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lav11, Apr 11, 2012.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    I posted on here a note i wanted to give to my workers- both those at the shelter and my counsellor regarding the abuse with my mother and her friends..
    Well i ended up giving it to my face to face counsellor, i completely chickened out about giving it the shelter workers and it is completely out of the question now,

    but im really freaking out with my counsellor having this information. She said she was really sad to hear this stuff but overall took it all really well. She asked me if ive been abused since living here in Queensland over the last four months while living with my mother, i told her i dont know which she very quickly assumed to be a yes and of course she was right, She then asked if it was (guys name), i couldnt even look at her, my brain was just screaming to run away, that she knows everything, shes going to tell child protection. I didnt answer and bassiclly just froze up again, Next thing she was telling me to look at her and i just kept shaking my head no, i didnt want to look at her, i didnt want her llooking at my im just so disguisting, ugly, horrid and undeserving. She asked again and i started crying and saidd i couldnt which again she correctly assumed to be a yes..

    I trust my counsellor fully, i have no doubt that if she needs to inform child protection that she will tell me, but then again i just feel so vulnerable and i dont even know why. I havent told anyone face to face this much information ever and ive only known this worker for four months now which is actually very little time.
    I also feel like a massive !diot because i didnt tell her id been being abused the whole time ive known her, i told her how that my mum was always angry and that id seen guys whod abused me in the past but never that the guys were actually doing anything. I guess i also feel really dishonest and sorta in a way like i lied to her... She said that she had been really concerned being locked in a back apartment by myself with guys constantly was very concerning .. I should of told the truth, the complete truth from the start..

    Uggh i dont even know what im feeling at the moment, and i dont even know why.. i really want to self harm or attempt or something.. i dont know, just upset, scared and empty.. i want it to all go away

  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Lav11, be proud of yourself for being so brave! That took a lot of courage to show your therapist.

    She will do what she needs to do to make sure that you are safe. As for how you are feeling now - sounds like you've been squashed or beaten down and are not used to receiving care and being heard. I'm sure she doesn't think you're an idiot for not telling her sooner...She knows that you needed to learn to trust her enough to tell her.

    Being used/abused/beaten down verbally and physically often makes it hard to accept that anyone cares, that we are worth that care. You are likely feeling a huge jumble of feelings, and feeling so much all at once, could trigger the sense that you want to self-harm. Keep holding on and remember that you are very brave, you do deserve better treatment than you've had at home, and your therapist does understand.

    If you want to talk or vent, feel free to PM me any time, OK? Thinking of you and sending you many hugs. :arms:
  3. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Hi your story is heartbreaking and you sound like such a brave person. I'll be praying for you, and I hope that you find the right people who will take care of you and treat you with compassion, respect, decency, and love. If you need a friend, I'll always be here. Stay strong and amazing.

    Your ability to reach out may inspire others in abusive situations. *hugs*
  4. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    thank you for your words

    I spoke to my counssellor again today, not really sure about how she feels about me but yeah.. she hasnt spoken to child protection yet anyways which i guess is a plus if anything..

    thanks :)
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