Gavs rant (Spidy)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Apr 27, 2012.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Just sitting here reading posts and responding has given me some out look on my life and how hard its been.I can relate to alot of posts here been through doom and gloom over and over and still sometimes find myself there.

    A little of my story i was sexually abused by a boss who was male which i am duh but while this was happening i had nobody to talk too as i was in small country town i had mum who i was very close too but at that time i was 16 she was diagnosed with cancer.My mum tuffest person to date ive come across had to go through kemo yet we lived about 2 and half hours from closest place she could get this treatment.She did 3hrs work in morning then drive herself to kemo go through that then drive home plus look after family us.6hr turn around drive very strong lady my dad asshole but in saying that he was worried and didnt know how to deal with mums cancer.Kemo worked for a while but it spread so i lost mum at age 19 very sad plus i was still getting abused very hard.I look up to my mum very strong human and really put a fight up for her life and family.Thats one bit of strength i ll throw out there everyone has fight.Anyway i was lost when mum went still getting messed about with and this went on till i was 24/25 big world of hurt i couldnt talk to dad and somewhere there our house burnt down i lost all i owned and my memorys of mum.I gained an alcohol prob and gamblimg prob which i was stealing from my place of employment i still feel bad about that.That continued to few jobs i had stole more and more never was caught.Ive never had much cofidence and what i did have was always shut down by small town shit and dad and that fucker that yeah hurt me.I moved from there pretty messed up worked for a few years in the city and then went awol as i did sometimes when i was overwhelmed.Anyway long story short got married 10 years it lasted 4 kids dad died in this time got a inherietence she got her crap money run out 3 months after that my bags packed.I ll get to pouint i ended up homeless lost over $80 00 in vehicles all up money wise $140000 got very suicidle i here i am now still alive yes had many attempts and that ive explained up there only part of my life i guess what im trying to say just like my mother i m a fighter and we all can be shit does get thrown at us some worse than others but to die and give in how do we teach next generation we need to be strong so they can learn to be.

    Cheers if ya took time to read this hope i made some sense and wasnt written for pity.

    Thanx Gav
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Good for you and a great post.
    I am different than many here because I've had a really good life and achieved things I've wanted (not rich, but I have never wanted that anyways). I have what I need and then some. I am my own boss and have been married 30+ years and we will be together forever. I lost my son (suicide) and that one thing totally destroyed my life. Despite that, I trudge forward. I cannot say that I did not have reasons to stop and not want to go on, but I can say that we are all here for a purpose. I say that without referring to religion, because that is not what I am referring to. For me, my purpose is to help others. It is what my son would have done if he had a chance. I think every person needs to find their purpose, it's there, and focus on that. I see and read a lot of reasons people have down feelings, but in my mind NOBODY can offer up anything worse than what I've experienced. I don't mean that to be mean to others because I am sure each person feels the same way over their own challenges and reasons. I will say that nobody can deny that what I've experienced has been extremely trying... and if I can push forward, I hope everybody can. Find your purpose. If nothing else, devote yourself to helping others.
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Well said we all have had challenges is what i was saying and we all have different coping skills yet we have to find some strength within ourselfs.Your situation has its own challenges and yeah your a champion the way youve battled on.Mine yep diff again but is life changing in a sense .We all get and will have these challenges help good way to learn how to cope dont know about you but when i went through my shit was none but i know in this day and age there is.Guess i wrote that pst and really glad you responded as your an inspiration is to show we are all resilliant just takes help strength and persaverance and most important energy plannig suicide or attempting could be used in helping yourself to have a better life sorry i do babble
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Absolutely - ! So right.

    I'm a fighter too - whatever it takes to come right, because I know I was given a 2nd chance. I'm not going to harm that chance in any way, but use it all I can to help others see the light at the end of their tunnel, by trying to find the first rung for them out of their pit.

    Everyone's story is different, but the life principles are the same - we all want to be happy and s*#* happens and we're faced with what to think about it all. United we stand....... united fighters can stand together and help each other :)
  5. That's why I always loved to return to post my recovery stories despite I whine terribly in here sometimes.. We are showing the rest that there is hope.
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    And i really hope we can show them that
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Excellent too! With all the posts on here that are what they are, it is important also to provide examples of success surviving this - whether you are the relative or friend of someone such as myself, or the actual individual in crisis. We all can build strength from one another and successes are important to share so that there is some hope for others.
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