Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Starry, Oct 31, 2009.

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  1. Starry

    Starry New Member

    I know this is wonderful place--- I have been here before... The people here are second to none in understanding and heart--- I truly love the people who are here......

    But to snap back to where I am..... I'm an adult staying with my folks while I look for a new place--- I have always been the "parents of my parents" if you know what I mean. I took care of *them* when I was a kid pretty much. It has been a real burden.......

    My mother became an alcoholic just a couple years ago, not sure why.... My father is an atheist at age 65. I disagree with both of these things. I think a person shouldn't be an alcoholic and I also disagree with a 65 year old man being an atheist. I have always had to take care of my family......... It has been both the purpose and the crutch of my life.

    These people have made me insane pretty much but I wanted to help them as much as I could................. I just can't take it anymore. I eventually became an alcoholic myself because this family is just ridiculous. How can you escape a dysfunctional family without leaving/helping them? This might be a redundant question because when you care about people..... you want to help them. I have helped them way too much and now I am getting older (30).....

    Ugggghh.... I feel I am so confused..... I wanted to help my helpless family but I feel I did too much and I should have just forgotten them and changed my legal name almost......

    What do you think?? Thanks!

    P.S. I have always been the only person in my family who really was about God and all this............ My mother did raise me in the church and I think she is great for doing this.... but my life in general has been just AWFUL...... very painful.... but I *have* always believed in God.... but it has been so painful, even turning 30.... What do you think? .... I am thinking 30 years of agony is starting to be too much.... I put off a lot of my life to help my family and I thought this was the right thing to do.... so.... I don't want my life to be painful forever!!
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2009
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You have come to the right place to work through all of this. Keep posting here, it will help and we can give you feedback.

    When and how to care for or about others can be hard to sort through but it can be done. I'm a member of Al-Anon, AA, and I believe in God.

    You mentioned you are looking for your own place and that will be good as you can set more boundaries for yourself. You may want to try Al-Anon or Coda meetings. The experiences of the members will give you ideas for your own situation.

    In the meantime, keep coming here. :hug:
  3. Starry

    Starry New Member

    Thanks alot, Char.... Being born in this family has just made me insane, I think. I should not have invested so much time in them...... But I was young when I decided to do so, full of heart, you know..... but a very bad idea......... Sometimes, families like this just need to destroy themselves, I think.... I would recommend that to anyone like me who is younger..... If your family is this bad, it's probably better to just let it destruct and get a good life for yourself.... I was trying to do what was right and help them..... probably a bad idea.

    I felt bad for my folks since they are helpless, useless people....... I should have probably just not cared and I would have lived a better life. It's hard to believe this might be better for you.... but...... Based on my experiences, I might have been happier *not* trying to help my family and just letting them die or whatever. It's not honestly my responsibility about adults who can't help themselves and die or whatever. But when it's your folks, it's hard to just watch.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2009
  4. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    This statement confuses me a bit. Do you mean that a man shouldn't be an atheist at age 65, but it's alright at age 30 or something? :confused:
  5. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    That's some pretty bad advice there Starry, maybe the worst. It sounds pretty heartless, which is strange because the first post in the thread was about how you have helped your family and maybe continue to help them. I don't blame you for not agreeing with your dad's decision to be an atheist, but you should still respect his decision. After all, you could have been an atheist if your mother hadn't brought you up with church. I hope you feel better and get a place of your own, and continue to help your parents like they are helping you.

    Everybody else, don't take Starry's advice. It is asinine and heartless, and it won't make you a good person.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2009
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I think that Starry's second post shows how much the pendulum of emotion swings in situations like these. In raising my daughter, I went back and forth between two extremes so much inside myself. I truly was torn apart by it.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    im sorry you got so much going on in your surroundings right now.
    you cant make someone believe in God. if your father doesnt believe, you cant make him .. thats his choice. even though you may not agree with it, you should respect it. i understand you want whats best for hom but thats a loosing battle sometimes.

    the only thing you can do for your mother is be her daughter. you cant live their lives. thats what happens when an alkie doesnt want to get better.
    you can love and care about them but you cant live their life forever.
    when you get your new place, become yourself and enjoy your life the way you know how.
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