Gay and depressed

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by duxburyboi, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. duxburyboi

    duxburyboi New Member

    I am 26, gay, and very depressed. Its strange because this depression really just got going a couple months ago and now most days I think of suicide atleast one. I dont want to kill myself. Well, I havent wanted to until today. Today was the first time when I actually had a real desire to commit suicide... and those thoughts just wont go away.
    I never finished college and I recently lost my job(both due to my anxiety and depression) which isnt helping things. I also havent been in a relationship... ever... and I am starting to really hate that. I am a little overweight and any time I try to talk to someone they just give me the "not my type" line because I am not a stereotypical gay guy (thin).
    I just am starting to feel like there is nothing left to live for. I am sick of sitting home in bed crying my eyes out.

    I just dont know what to do any more.

    (I had posted this in another forum, but I thought it would be more appropriate here)
  2. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    Try not to let it get to you like that, I'm in the same boat, only it has taken me a lot longer to reach that point, I'm 41 nect New Years, it's not a judgement on you you as a person, Iknow it feals like that sometimes or at least it does for me, but thats not the case, I wish I could tell you that it will all be fine and in time it will all work out, but I'm not sur that is the case, what did one guy tell me, "you are a straight giuy trapped in a gay mans body", I thought that was a complement, but it wasn't.

    The roller coaster ride of highs and lows that is clinical depression can be a an "interesting" time, real highs, followed by real lows, but after a time, if it was a fair ground ride, after a time, all you want to do is get off.

    If I could turn back the clock, to say 26, then I would, what would I do differently, now I'm older, in hind sight, which is a wonderfull but useless thing, I'ld would try much, much, much harder to live for the day, do what makes me happy now, not tomorrow, or the day after, but now, today, this hour, this minute and f*** anyone else that stands in the way of that.

    It sounds like the same old crap everyone tells you, but you are not alone in the way to feal, no one ever really is, but the hard part is having the courage to go find that other person that feals the same way as you do, something I have never really managed.

    I do have a friend, a newly aquired straight friend, he makes me happy and breaks my heart at the same time, because I know he will never ever feal the same way about me as I do about him, but thats just the way things are, no matter what you do, you just cant change that, but in a way, for now, that can can be enough.

    I know I'm a good person on the inside, I am guessing you are too, try not to worry too much about tomorrow and the day after, things can get better, some days they do for me, so they can for you too.