People keep telling me that I should wait and not actively pursue someone and love will just come to me. The thing is, I've been waiting for a long time already but still no one. I've read in many articles that since I am gay plus I figured since I'm not handsome, not muscular, and not smart, that I have to step up and go find someone. Another thing is that from how I grew up, I wish to have a guy who is kind, smart, loving, and have a great body so for once, I can feel protected. For once, I have a solid rock to lean on. For once, I want to feel that I don't have to depend on myself solely. Is this wrong to feel like this? I'm going out of my mind out of loneliness. The guy I was dating, a guy who has a gf and told me face to face that if we were given the chance, he would go for me in heartbeat, hasn't been talking to me as much lately. He said that it was to protect what we have because his gf might find out. He recently told me that his gf is planning to work overseas. I'm scared he'll follow shortly and that will make it harder for us to talk and meet. I told him how i felt but then he hasn't talked to me again. It's almost 2 weeks now. I don't know what to do. I feel like my life's losing meaning day by day. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel that if i continue my life, I will only find loneliness and die alone. I feel like killing myself would actually save me from any further pain.