Gay that doesn't know what to do

Discussion in 'LGBTQIA (New Forum)' started by jazzmeister, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    People keep telling me that I should wait and not actively pursue someone and love will just come to me. The thing is, I've been waiting for a long time already but still no one. I've read in many articles that since I am gay plus I figured since I'm not handsome, not muscular, and not smart, that I have to step up and go find someone.

    Another thing is that from how I grew up, I wish to have a guy who is kind, smart, loving, and have a great body so for once, I can feel protected. For once, I have a solid rock to lean on. For once, I want to feel that I don't have to depend on myself solely.

    Is this wrong to feel like this?

    I'm going out of my mind out of loneliness. The guy I was dating, a guy who has a gf and told me face to face that if we were given the chance, he would go for me in heartbeat, hasn't been talking to me as much lately. He said that it was to protect what we have because his gf might find out. He recently told me that his gf is planning to work overseas. I'm scared he'll follow shortly and that will make it harder for us to talk and meet.

    I told him how i felt but then he hasn't talked to me again. It's almost 2 weeks now.

    I don't know what to do. I feel like my life's losing meaning day by day. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel that if i continue my life, I will only find loneliness and die alone. I feel like killing myself would actually save me from any further pain.
    Serein and Thauoy like this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Of course it's not wrong to feel like that!

    Have you joined any LGBT communities near you? What about online dating for gay men etc?
  3. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    There are no LGBT commmunities near me.

    I tried online dating but once they see me, no one stays with me. Some stay but only if I pay them. Most people won't even want to talk to me unless they just want to get their rocks off.

    They don't talk to me because I am not physically attractive. No one wants me and I feel no one will ever will.....
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum. It's not wrong to feel the way you do, it's human nature to crave the company of other humans. Have you tried ? I know a few people here that have had success with it. I think you should see a professional about your suicidal thoughts, it might help some bit. Know that you are never alone here (hugs)
  5. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    I don't know which is right. Be forward and actively pursue the person you like or wait for someone to pursue you.
  6. silis

    silis Active Member

    you should get a friend to do stuff with. if you are pursuing people, for relationships, then it means you dont have enough things/activities to fill your life with. friendships are good, relationships are bad. get a friend that has an interest in something you do. and hopefully they will one day emotionally support you.
  7. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    In my opinion, trying to find someone who will truly love and care us will make us more painful. Trying to be content with ourselves is the best.
    There are so many lonely single person in the world who are craving for love and emotional support. You are not alone.
    I think we should try to find happiness from other things in life. Best wishes.
    Serein and DrownedFishOnFire like this.
  8. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    I really feel sorry for your situation. I myself is a lonely man. No friends or girlfriend my entire life. I really know how it is to feel lonely.
    But I think suicide is not the remedy to loneliness. Being born as a human is very precious. Please try to find some positive things about your life.
    May be your life is much better compared to millions of people who are homeless , who have no food to eat , who have no job, who are suffering from terminal illness etc.
    May be you can provide help and support to other struggling people.

    Please don't give up.
  9. suzi

    suzi Well-Known Member

    Always "keep your eyes open", you know? I don't know you, but if you feel beautiful and confident, it will shine outward and be very attractive. You can fake this if you have to. If you are religioius, talk to God about it. Then put yourself out there and hang out with folks and do things you enjoy. (I'm sounding bossy. Yikes.)
  10. Whateverx

    Whateverx Member

    People talk nonsense so much that I sometimes question freedom of speech. You should pursue a person you like, life is too short and complicated.
    YOu can get muscular and smarter ;)

    ugh...or their relationship could break. He's probably not into you, but there are other people out there. You need to reach out.
  11. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    Perhaps you should dedicate your time to pursuing self improvement? Focus on things that you can control and improve through effort. Chasing after the myth of a relationship magically providing meaning to your existence only ends in disappointment. Rely on yourself, strengthen your body and your mind, cultivate an interesting personality by pursuing various disciplines. Knowledge will not let you down but people will. Loneliness is difficult to deal with but you cannot allow it to define you.
  12. AnotherChristian

    AnotherChristian Active Member

    Hi jazzmeister. I realize you haven't posted here in a while, but I'll throw in my 2 cents regardless.

    It seems to me that you are putting the cart before the horse. I mean right now instead of focusing so much on finding a boyfriend, you should first just try to socialize more with people (including fellow gay guys) in general.