Gender and Sexual Identity.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Broken Wings, Apr 7, 2012.

  1. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    Hey there.
    I have some questions for the trans and genderqueer subset, if they are out there, and willing to talk?

    I am dealing with the whole genderqueer thing, and I'm having some issue.
    I'm female-assigned at birth, and I am at this point identifying as genderqueer/fluid/nongendered.

    The problem I am having is that I think I am leaning to a male identification. And I'm not sure I want that.
    Because while I want to be seen as male much of the time, both in my body and in my mannerisms, there are still parts of me that are female. I want to be a girl... but that girl wants a male body, a male pronoun, to act like a male... And I don't know how to reconcile that.
    I don't know how to look how I want, act like I want, be seen how I want, get what I want, I don't know how to express how I feel about this stuff.
    Part of it might be that I've spent a while coming to understand and connect to my lesbianism, and I can't be that if I am a boy...

    And while I know it is okay to be out of the gender binary... I don't want to be. I want to be able to say I'm a Man, or I'm a Woman. And believe it. And it to be true.
    I don't want to say I'm neither. Or both. Or something else.
    I want a firm grip on who I am, so this slippery gender thing is not helping.

    So I want to know how you came to a solid realisation of your gender? Not when, but how? How did you reconcile any cisgendered thoughts with your transgendered desires? Did you end up transitioning in any way, or did you come "full circle"? Did you go through a period of being genderqueer before "landing"?
    And if you have any other thoughts or advice... I'd love to hear it /: )
  2. prophetbirds

    prophetbirds Well-Known Member

    Hello! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond! It seems strange to me that there aren't more trans* or genderqueer people on here, considering how many I know who are dealing with a lot of this stuff.

    ANYWAY. I personally identify as genderqueer, and for me, it was a lot of trial and error. I'm lucky to have friends who understand the fluidity of gender and sexuality, and who didn't question me if I came in packing and binding one day and in a dress the next. And after a while, I just found what I like in myself, the body that I feel the most comfortable in. And that just happened to be a genderqueer one.

    And what it sounds like to me is that you want to be trans*. And that is completely fine! I have a friend who hasn't taken hormones to transition, nor has he gotten any surgery. He is just okay with being a trans* man, and doesn't need to transition to feel comfortable with himself, not that there's anything wrong with people who need that.

    What I'm trying to say is that there are so many different ways to be. There's thousands of things that you can be, and gender is a fucking mess most of the time, which I absolutely love. I think the best thing to do would be to just test the waters a bit. Nothing is ever permanent, and it's nice to see who you can be.

    I know that this is completely inadequate for what you're going through right now, and I apologize if I said anything wrong. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings.

    I hope you find what your looking for and find some sort of peace with yourself. Gender is a weird and awesome thing, and labels are sometimes just not necessary.
  3. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    I'm also sorry to respond so late, I just started a field placement through my program-- I've been too tired to eat, most nights >.<

    I'm lucky to have friends like that too. They will comment equally on how nice I look if I come in in a dress or a suit.
    When I wrote this plea I had just had a long and arduous conversation with my mother...
    Honestly, most of the time not knowing doesn't bother me. It is when I concentrate on it.

    It is kind of funny. I go to an LGBT youth group, and yesterday I was asked for advice on this very topic from a guy who seems to feel a lot like me.
    If only I could take my own advice.
    "You don't have to have it all figured out in one go. Identity is fluid, so just do what makes you happy and don't regret it. How those actions fit into labels can feel really important, but in the end you're the one who has to live with yourself."

    Anyway. Thank you. I can't quite articulate why, (because I don't really understand it) but something in your post really made me feel better.
  4. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Most people aren't all female/male when it comes to gender. I'm a guy and am quite often passive, sensitive and vain which are traditionally feminime qualities.

    Life is difficult when you don't fit into gender stereotypes nicely, but I don't think there's any reason why you just can't live your life as a masculine woman. Why is having the male pronoun important to you? Sorry ff this is too simplistic :(
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I have always seen myself as male as well, (I am female assigned at birth) internally and mannerisms, etc. But I have had trouble deciding to transition as well as money issues.. But it can be kind of hard I guess.. It's really confusing for me as well when I like these women.. But for me I get so confused with my parts. But am afraid to try and get any transition because, how do I know a transition will even make it feel more comfortable? I guess what I'm saying is, I relate to what you are saying. I've known of my gender preference for a long time and now have just decided (after a long time thinking about it) as soon as I have the ability I will try and take testosterone (I already produce a lot of my own though, and am not sure how that will ever happen yet) But I was very gender fluid for a while. I believe just as sexual orientation, that gender is on a spectrum.

    I'd maybe just think about it for a while.. I did.. And been trying to decide for along time if I want to do anything about it. But yeah.. There are many gender types as well.. Agender is non gender specific. As well as there are other pronouns. Some people use "ze" instead of he/she or "they." Maybe just try and see what your comfortable most with.. idk..