General...

[Perishable]

Currently, things seem to be digressing. I haven't had a job in over half a year and my family has been talking shit behind my back. My sister & father hates me. My mother is the only one that seems to have some positive out look on my lifestyle, but fuck, from things in the past, I had hated her the most.

What a fucking twist! I mean shit, she use to beat me, and now I look to her for comfort. It's not like I'm failing at life, I feel a bit ashamed of how some things are turning, but for the most part, I'm doing well in college and I have man who takes care of me, never talks down to me or calls me ugly... Tells me he loves me everyday, hugs and kisses everyday, its like some one picked me up from the shit hole I use to live in.

and yet, I feel just as suicidal as before. In addition, I've developed a very strong anxiety, which sometimes feels like a pathetic excuse when your trying to tell someone reasons why you can't do certain things,... Their response is ''Oh, So you're scared.", its like, no fuck...!

But In everything in all it's glory, it's got to have a downfall somehow...
In short. Nothing every changes, Everything is as fucked up as it ever was.s
I feel like this giraffe! Which by the way I thought was freaking cute, so I'm going to put it in my post... He's so angry! He's kicking the floor. (actually, I think he's dancing.) Depends on your prespective... Are you optimistic? Or pessimistic.

:Leiaha: :Leiaha: :Leiaha: :Leiaha: :Leiaha: :Leiaha:

 

[Chargette]

I used to freak when good things happened to me because I didn't trust it. I thought for sure something was going to go wrong. Please tell the fear inside of you that you're going to enjoy the good. Your boyfriend sounds like a good person.

I've been to therapy for a lot of my fears. It takes time but it is so worth it. Do you have a doctor you can go to?

:hug:

 

[Mathale]

I read thoroughly what youve written, when someone gives up an honest amount of time to be open, il give the time to read without skimming!

I feel the 'no job' bit, im currently walking into my 4th month now of no job. im lucky to have a supportive family, but there a real lack of 'independance'. i cant do what i want, i cant spend money on my self, i have nothing to show for it... Its a real key ambition to get a job very soon. No matter what the role is, because later in the year some meaningful job will come. A rewarding feeling is always a great way to pick yourself up on.

Thats brilliant that you have someone special in your life. its such a cherished moment - Do you mind if i ask why your family dislike you? be as elaborate or brief as you want!

what is the anxiety towards ? Its a horrible emotion to have, and its one where when you have it, everything turns to a stand still and you feel a massive malfunction. But once you pass it... you always end up laughing at yourself for ever being in such a mess. Its just hard to break that barrier! But its acheivable !

You pessimist :P The giraffe is actually dawdling, wandering what to do with its life! Its 50/50 and stuck between decisions.. haha Thats how i see it! Psycho analyse eat your heart out

at least you think its cute... isnt that a little optomism coming through ?

things do go up and down, can feel like it drags and never changes.. but just always fight for that better feeling and achievement.. things will work out in the long run!

 

[total eclipse]

Hey are you taking anthing to help with your anxiety and depression maybe talk with doctor to see if it may help you. anxiety meds do work take care.