So I think I've finally decided to kill myself and I don't know where else to go. I made up my mind about a month ago and ever since then everyone seems to be commenting on how much better I seem to look, how I seem happier than I have been in a long time and how I look healthy. But every time I hear that or someone asks me how I am I want to just throw myself into them and cry and be honest, but instead all I can do is smile and lie. I hate my job, I hate my place in life, I hate every choice I've made that's gotten me here. I feel like a drain on everyone I know, none of my friends care about me and I just feel like a waste. I know the pain it's going to cause my parents and sister, but I can't help but feel that being an all around disappointment is going to be worse. I see everyone I grew up with doing amazing things and here I am, still in this town doing nothing. I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to that won't lecture me or cry if I tell them what I am thinking. I just feel like I need to tell someone, even if it is anonymously over the internet. The worst thing is I've had a good life. My parents are together, I was never abused as a kid, I had a chance to go to college and come out almost debt free (an opportunity I squandered) but still I feel like I am worth nothing. I don't know, I just had to say it somewhere.