Generic thread from the UK

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SomeguyUk, Sep 21, 2011.

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  1. SomeguyUk

    SomeguyUk Active Member

    So... Where do I start? I have a loving family, I am pretty well off and I do have a few good friends. So you ask, what the hell is your problem? My reply instinctively would be 'I dont know actually' but ill give it a shot. Im currently at University and I sit here in my room with a bloody good view, I get to see the sun rise and the sun set from 20 floors up. Yes I have 'tried' to commit to the deadly deed more than once, but Im afraid. Not so much of death but of being forgotten. I'm not asking for statues and medals just the 'Oh I remember him' with a accompanied smile. So back to the main point. I just don't fit in, anywhere. In the street, when I'm going about my day, people make eye contact with me and I smile casually, but they look at me like I'm some kind of serial killer. I am a nice guy and I enjoy doing good deeds, as I'm a massive believer in Karma. Two examples, after one of my pethetic attempts of the 'deadly deed' I drove about trying to take my mind off things and I saw a hitch hiker, the weather was bad and I was in no hurry. So I picked him up where he asked me to take him as far I was going, I let it be known I was just driving aimlessly but offered to take him all the way to his destination, he thanked me telling me because of my actions he would be able to get back to his family and see them as his job meant he had to hitch hike alot as he delivered cars.

    My other example and forgive my rambling (this is more for my benifit). I went down town to the nightclubs and on the way out I saw someone in distress. They lost their friend and all their money, so I offered to take a taxi with them (bearing in mind it was a long way and I got ripped off) and made sure they got back alright as they were a drunk to high hell. To shorten the story, basically I sent them a message the next day to see if they were alright and It was as if I was some wierdo, No thanks, no nothing really, I wasnt looking for my actions to be glorified just acknowledged with a simple 'Hey that was nice'. So my main point is that whatever I do I just don't fit in. This world is messed up, the people who inhabit its towns and cities are just looking out for themselves, and I wish humanity all the luck in the future, I really do. I only ask that you know that I tried but there's just so much bad left in the world. But I guess at the end of the day people will say my name with disgust and say I was weak.

    Again I apologise for my rambling. But next time, I may just do something stupid, and even in my death I want to help others. So to the Dr's take what you may and burn the rest.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun what you did was so compassionate and maybe they did not show their appreciation but i know their family members would of if they know how safe you kept them hugs to you
  3. SomeguyUk

    SomeguyUk Active Member

    Yeah I just have moments where I find myself in a real bad place. Impossible to crawl out myself. I know there's good people out there and for now I shall be fine. And Coincidently as soon as I posted this I got a thank-you note. Which freaked me out a little and perked me up. Back to happy me. :)
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey mate - I'm UK'er - bad fu**** Karma all round!!

    Well we are lucky - we have free health care - and for some poor folk its nothing.

    However - our government is insane - but we will sort them out - and if I wake up with reports of the UK itself on fire and a million kids with a million looted ipads - I will - make a nice cup of tea - settle back - enjoy my tea - but cannot say I enjoy riots as its illegal to do so!

    Hitch-hiking? wow - back in the day - I loved it - and would have been glad of you - and had many men in crisis driving late at night or the day - not driving aimlessly - your aim was to drive - and so - you win!

    I got picked up once in a raining storm on some little A-road in the middle of somewhere barely on the map. Soaked to the skin - but we stopped at at the next service station - I dried my clothes standing by the driers in the toilets - you know the things - turns upside down to dry your face.

    got a meal bought - and you KNOW its like - a million pounds for an egg and chops and pot of tea - in that small pot. Even if you stole it - you'd be losing money.

    Not that I'm saying steal it - but if I had no money - well - steal or starve - hmmm - er - steal!

    So hitch-hiking its always Karma - for me as the guy on the side of the road - my Karma is usually talking to the driver. I always ask how you are - and if your a man - and look a bit down - I might say "What's up then? Got the blues over your woman?" - well 99 times out of 100 - men driving aimlessly - lol - not being demeaning mate - but I think every man has drove about aimlessly over a women - apart from me - I walked instead.

    Thing is mate - with the taxi incident - I've had this a few times.Unescorted women - drink as hell - crying - prey for the wolves - and I'm the sheprherd at that point.

    Learnt my lesson - when some man appeared and wanted to kill me - and the drunk women agreed. Blaming me - so her man was diverted. He would not listen and thought - well - you can guess.

    So now - if you see a drunk women crying the blues - phone a cab - cheeky but I'll check for her purse - she got into that state - I'm not a charity for drunks. No purse - sure I'd pay - point of honour IF you stop and offer help to follow through.

    Put her in the cab.

    Expect no thanks - not from drunks - most won't remember a thing.

    That is their Karma - it will get back to them.

    Well someguyUK - thank-you for sharing - that is the hard part for us guys - I mean I've had depression for 30 years plus and only admitted to myself last year that I might be down - a little bit - just spent a thousand days wishing i was dead - not much to see here - move along please!

    So can you live with the passing moments?

    Like you say if there are good people out there you will feel fine.

    20 floors up - I live 14 - I have a bit of height envy issues - you live higher than me - which makes me feel lower.

    Well I worked at 50 floors high once - used to dangle off the edge with the lads - to prove our manhood.

    Some would say stupidity but we had our safety harness on and whacked a big bolt into the concrete - a BIG bolt indeed - and we dangled - and marvelled at how great we were and how any passing women would marry us just because we were men of honour - dangling on the end of a rope - wire of course!

    Suicide - we think of it sometimes - but I think about wallpapering also - but fu**** if I'm going to actually do it.

    I just think about it now and again.

    i think of a lot of crazy things - but when it comes to doing it - I have my heart and head have a committee meeting.

    Its your heart which pushes suicide.

    your head? the part of you which is zen like coolness - no way its going to want to throw way life.

    Too valuable - and if not for us - then for others.

    Maybe you should volunteer in something.

    Better than saving drunk women (who will do the same sh** next weekend) and driving - with the price of fuel - wow - maybe get a bicycle mate.

    Glad you got a good family.

    Thanks for sharing and despite you feeling so down - you kind of cheered me up.

    Not everyone can do that when in a dark place.
  5. SomeguyUk

    SomeguyUk Active Member

    I thank you for that. I'm new to the forum and I just had to open up and It always helps in a way. Because the Dr's just dont really care as most people view depression as weakness and can be cured simply with this drug and that drug. And I know most people will look at this and what Ive said and say it isnt that bad, and I'm probably not in the worst situation but when the depression comes along it hits me like a train. Just crushes me. Thats why I wanted to dedicate my future to solving the mysteries of why depression effects us the way it does, but yeah for now I believe that just forcing yourself to do a good deed will help you pull yourself from that dark place.
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