gentle talk

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Axiom, Jan 17, 2008.

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  1. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    i miss it.. something of flow and without harsh definition and walls. . like where you can just open up and be who you are, letting yourself breath and feel .. hard now a days. finding connection. the one person i have a connection with is kept away from me..

    kinda why i like to sleep, yet i get only 3-5 hours a day.. but i love it .. a time to not think, but just be.. thinking really is imperitive, but.. being and feeling everything about yourself.. need a free environment, a safe free place. .. i find talking with people pushes me away from myself, but im still longing from that one hug from her .. just another three months.. but right now.. i miss the freedom to be alive and afraid and hopeful and all that i am with someone. theres so much strength there.. thats where i find it. no walls, no definitions of a layered statment.. just free flow and moveing towards your dreams and desires, and aknowledgieng and seeing your own, and feeling yourself..

    i donno.. best i can write.. never comes out right, kinda find language lmiting it aspects, or maybe it's my understanding and knwoledge of language,. i really think it's both... guess i just, dont like walls... i love a world without definitions, with hope and being. my minds and body help me to reach them, who i am finds them..

    ever find you write something, but your saying something alot more...

    not sure why i post anymore, guess just needed to say
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I cannot remember the last time I had a 'real' conversation. where me and all my friends would just sit and laugh, we'd make fun of anything. We'd talk all day and I'd always be happy. Now? the only convos I have involve about 4 words from my mouth ...
    And hang in there for that hug from her :)
  3. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Wow! That's something I also think about a lot. I does seem most people want you to play roles and put on false front. Politic in place of friendships. I think open honesty and expression bothers many people because so many are taught to not be open. So many hard hearts to the point that gentleness and truth are looked down on.

    i got this a lot when i tried to talk about the abuse at home. So many people would suddenly become cold and do whatever it took to shut me up. they were, in fact downright cruel to the point it was like I was punished for my innermost thoughts and feelings. I guess people feel threatened by these deep feelings. I am not a person who puts on acts. i am what i am and I like to be true to myself.

    I feel trapped these days and talking honestly has become a thing of fear. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2008
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I know what you mean Blake - at times a talk with someone close is all we need to see that life is worth living, can be bearable again..
    I think language is limiting as far as thoughts are concerned, as while thoughts are free-flowing, fluid and flexible in what they can convey and make the thinker feel, meanwhile, with language, you're stuck with words that are defined as X, when you may want to convey Y, but not sure how to with the language you've got available to you..

    I do find that I write things, then find I've said a lot more, but that is only significant to me, therefore - have I really said it, if it isn't acknowledged by anyone else?
    (Sorry, getting a little philosophical, feel free to ignore :tongue: )
  5. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I used to be the same with my friends. Still wasn't open open, but we'd always have a laugh and could for the most part me ourselves. Was good times :) Funny how things can change so much. Always hope out there .
    Definatly hanging in for that hug and her smile :smile:

    Yeah I definatly agree that open honesty bothers people. Even for me, sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to say something so strong and definable accidentally and burn the person who's opened up to me, or they're going to say something to me that's really going to burn me when I'm opened up to them. ... and ultimately, im afraid of those people who show compasion and gentlness for a few moments, and when you open up they switch themselves.

    That sounds horrid that people were harsh on you when you were trying to open up. .. I donno.. sometimes i find some people would rather just not feel deep feelings and cling to harsh definable responces. I guess for some it's hard to see someone for who they are(atleast for what they are willing to show you) .

    Some though.. you can open up andthey'll be there for you through it all. Not telling you what to do or feel, but being there, helping you ask move through it and release it.. someone who actually cares and wants to see you smile and get through what is hurting you. .. soemthing like pure honesty.. where you can feel your feelings with someone, and that person won't judge you in anyway..

    i hope talking here can help release that fear

    :) who can we truly be if not ourselves.

    Owhr it's weird.. well not weird, more.. amazeing. When I talk with her life just.. glows. We can bounce around with ideas and desires, dream crazy wonderful ideas and .. we go for them. And we have so much fun and grow so much .. it's like those moments that are entirely warm, even if you're freezeing your ass off, there's no real negative to it. And the shareing, the seeing that excitement and joy in their eyes.. . .. even when you're not together you can still feel it driveing you to keep going.
    heh, harsh eh. wanting to say something, or needing to, but it comes out off. Sometimes even if i can get it bang on. i wonder, how does this person understand these word im saying. Do they have the same meanings for these words as I do..

    Owhr i think you've said it, cause you know you have. I guess when someone can't recieve it right, we try to say it again.. that's what i love about talking with her, even if we don't get something, we can try to say it again and help eachother understand what we are trying to say to eachother. there's no personal attacks, there's no thinking you're daft because i didn't understand you or you didn't understand me. .. it's.. just understanding and being with someone who likes you for who you are and .. yeah.

    .. thanks for the replies, made me smile. :smile:
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