Getting a bit terrified. (may be triggering)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by feathers, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Well not only are the healthcare system still not taking me seriously (here we are 10 months and 1 week on...) but now my life's getting back into the crazy side again after 3 months or so of relative peace.

    I appear to have developed possibly DID and the 'voices' have started taking control of me. I'm always conscious and it's me acting although I am literally a different person with different thoughts and different desires and different mannerisms. My problem lies not with these guys taking control of me, I don't mind it at all, it's the fact that Sophie wants to be raped. Not roleplay, properly. And since, if she wants it, she won't be able to get the fear and trauma that comes with a rape (that's what she wants), she wants it to happen to me. That way the trauma is there and she can enjoy it because she likes trauma.

    Now therapy would possibly be of benefit to her but yet again I state that the healthcare system are not taking me seriously... The more I let on is wrong with me the more they push me away. So even mentioning this to them will probably result in my useless psychiatrist telling me it's normal YET AGAIN when quite clearly it is not. But he always manages to make anything I tell him 'normal'. It's fucking ridiculous and I am struggling. A lot.

    Got my final exams next week too, since it's past midnight my first one is officially tomorrow. Then I have one on Tuesday. Then Wednesday. Then Thursday. It's going to fucking be the end of me because I have to revise 24/7 in between them and I just don't know if I can cope with that, and her constantly horny and forcing her wants and desires onto me that I have to try to ignore.

    Genuinely not even looking for any advice here because I don't think there's any that can be given (she won't compromise) I'm just looking for a place to vent, so I just have to fight her wishes and do my best with the exams :(.

    Kaz x
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't know how the system works there, but is there any way you can talk to a different psychologist?

    Has Sophie told any of the doctors about her wishes? Hearing that might cause them to take you, and her, seriously.
     
  3. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello Kaz,

    I've read though what you wrote, before i can help you however i have one question that i need to clear up in my mind:

    - What is Sophie to you?

    Regarding the psychiatrist not taking you seriously, i had this same thing happen to me - i want you to search for a new psychiatrist and also going to a psychologist will help you.

    And a big goodluck to you for your exams - you have the power with you.
     
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