Well not only are the healthcare system still not taking me seriously (here we are 10 months and 1 week on...) but now my life's getting back into the crazy side again after 3 months or so of relative peace.
I appear to have developed possibly DID and the 'voices' have started taking control of me. I'm always conscious and it's me acting although I am literally a different person with different thoughts and different desires and different mannerisms. My problem lies not with these guys taking control of me, I don't mind it at all, it's the fact that Sophie wants to be raped. Not roleplay, properly. And since, if she wants it, she won't be able to get the fear and trauma that comes with a rape (that's what she wants), she wants it to happen to me. That way the trauma is there and she can enjoy it because she likes trauma.
Now therapy would possibly be of benefit to her but yet again I state that the healthcare system are not taking me seriously... The more I let on is wrong with me the more they push me away. So even mentioning this to them will probably result in my useless psychiatrist telling me it's normal YET AGAIN when quite clearly it is not. But he always manages to make anything I tell him 'normal'. It's fucking ridiculous and I am struggling. A lot.
Got my final exams next week too, since it's past midnight my first one is officially tomorrow. Then I have one on Tuesday. Then Wednesday. Then Thursday. It's going to fucking be the end of me because I have to revise 24/7 in between them and I just don't know if I can cope with that, and her constantly horny and forcing her wants and desires onto me that I have to try to ignore.
Genuinely not even looking for any advice here because I don't think there's any that can be given (she won't compromise) I'm just looking for a place to vent, so I just have to fight her wishes and do my best with the exams
.
Kaz x
I appear to have developed possibly DID and the 'voices' have started taking control of me. I'm always conscious and it's me acting although I am literally a different person with different thoughts and different desires and different mannerisms. My problem lies not with these guys taking control of me, I don't mind it at all, it's the fact that Sophie wants to be raped. Not roleplay, properly. And since, if she wants it, she won't be able to get the fear and trauma that comes with a rape (that's what she wants), she wants it to happen to me. That way the trauma is there and she can enjoy it because she likes trauma.
Now therapy would possibly be of benefit to her but yet again I state that the healthcare system are not taking me seriously... The more I let on is wrong with me the more they push me away. So even mentioning this to them will probably result in my useless psychiatrist telling me it's normal YET AGAIN when quite clearly it is not. But he always manages to make anything I tell him 'normal'. It's fucking ridiculous and I am struggling. A lot.
Got my final exams next week too, since it's past midnight my first one is officially tomorrow. Then I have one on Tuesday. Then Wednesday. Then Thursday. It's going to fucking be the end of me because I have to revise 24/7 in between them and I just don't know if I can cope with that, and her constantly horny and forcing her wants and desires onto me that I have to try to ignore.
Genuinely not even looking for any advice here because I don't think there's any that can be given (she won't compromise) I'm just looking for a place to vent, so I just have to fight her wishes and do my best with the exams
. Kaz x
