getting a buzz

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Locket, Mar 14, 2009.

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  1. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i've been fasting during the week, whilst i'm at school and only eating on weekends. i haven't got a therapist anymore and my mum (dietician) just doesn't care anymore. now i'm on meds for depression and anxiety she seems to think everything is okay so isn't paying attention to my eating habits. it's actually such a great feeling, not having to eat, not being forced to eat and watched weight just drop off me. i can't wait til i get down to double digits, i can't remember the last time i was below 100lbs. i know this isn't that great for me and my heart is getting weaker because of it, but anything that gives me a buzz at the moment is like a release from the numb feeling i have all the time. it's just someone's punched me in the stomach, the feeling right after that when you're still holding your breath and you can't feel anything but that. that's what i feel, constantly. i can't cry even when i want to. i can't deal with any anger that i think i feel. i can't be happy even. so this disordered eating, this is what is giving me the buzz i need. just knowing that nobody else knows.
  2. Thinice

    Thinice Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I always knew I was too thin and that I wasn't that healthy, but I felt good. I was happy with the way I looked and how I felt, therefore I didn't give a shit about what I 'should' or 'shouldn't' do.

    I've actually gained weight in the past few weeks and I hate it. I'm just over 7 and a half stone (106 I think?) and I'm desperately trying to get back to dead on 7.
  3. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i know. i'm not condoning it or anything, but not eating clears my mind a hell of a lot. i can't think when i eat, coz the thought of eating/putting on weight just takes over and i stress about it.
    i hate gaining weight. especially as i hate odd numbers - being double digits will help, i know it. and getting to 6,6 is my goal.
  4. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    starving yourself may give you a temporary kick until you develop stomach ulcers. better think twice.
  5. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    starving yourself isnt going to be helping you. infact its the eating disorder demons winning. you may feel great in yourself but to your body you are doing all sorts of damage that it may never be able to recover from. it needs the nutrients from food to survive and also for your brain to work as well as it can. i understand the buzz completly because have been there but my body is now paying for it after 15years

    please think again because what makes you feel good now wont make you feel good later in life x :hug:
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