Yes PDW, I too suffer from anxiety and depression.
I can't speak about the difficulties in a job just yet because I have yet to have one, due to my fears, but I really do need to start supporting myself now.
I just think that the worrying and stress I experienced at college due to my problems are going to be even worse at a job because of the full time, 9 - 5, Mon - Fri nature of it. I don't know how I will cope with that sort of stress on such a regular basis. No doubt I will feel exhausted and discouraged like you say you do, when trying to act as 'normal' as I can.
The only thing I can think of as a solution is to end my life. Is putting myself through something so draining, stressful and difficult worth it? I just don't think it will be.
I feel like such an outsider in this world. Almost like an alien sometimes.
Well, your solution ( ie, the
ultimate solution ) is the same as mine. I am at this very moment considering that option because of job stress. It's a
tough situation with no easy answers. Despite the official position of this web-site I am
pro-suicide in that I regard it a persons civil right to terminate themselves if they choose.
I am not recommending that you do so. Here's what I suggest for the time being, go into this new job situation and see how you adapt. Don't go by any first day impressions, either. Most people are nervous and awkward
until they settle in to their surrounding and that's not something that is going to happen overnight. You will have good days and you will have bad days.
Understand that you are not going to like it ( most likely ) and that even if you reach a level of comfort, it will still be a
job, ie a neccessary routine that most all people consider a type of drudgery.
I don't know the specifics of your personality, but after you initial wariness
wears off, you may find that this job suits you. All is not lost. I have in the past had jobs that did not cause me to over-exert myself emotionally and that I actually tolerated quite well.
Here's the deal, I have always reasoned with myself that if any situation ( job or otherwise ) became too much to deal with I can always resort to Plan B...
suicide.. There is actually a type of comfort that I draw from that knowledge. As for yourself,if it all becomes too much you can politely tip your hat, bid them adieu and make you
final exit. Remember that you are not trapped in this life, if possible remind yourself of that if you begin to feel overwhelmed.
I hope for you that you will eventually adapt to this new situation and experience some level of peace...suicide will always be an option if you need it, I just hope that you won't ever have to use it.
Please believe me that I totally understand what it is like to be motivated by these exact feelings, your opinions make sense to me because I am experiencing them at this very moment. Anyway, give it a shot, and remember no one can keep you here if you don't want to be. I wish you total success with this new challenge.