Getting Bitter Instead of Better

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NeverM1nd, Oct 17, 2016.

  1. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    I can never really find too many people to give me advice...but here is goes again. At just over 30 years old, I have had pretty much nothing but heartache and trauma in my life. I always felt I had potential to do great things, but the older I get, I am starting to fear that I will never make it.

    I am surrounded by terrible people and can't help but think (like everyday of my life) bow much farther I would be in life if only I had people around who pushed me to do better instead of trying to hold me back.

    I am my own worst critic and the voices of people teasing and telling me I wasn't good enough as a child have become my own.

    I am miserable pretty much everyday and it only gets worse when I see people who are happy and living their dreams or at least have a loving family who cares surrounding them.

    I HAVE learned a lot from the things I've gone thru...but all the lessons are pretty much not to trust people, which I knew from childhood. It really just seems like it's a curse or joke. I meet people, hope they are gonna be who they say they are...they're not...(world laughs, joke's on you) I pick myself up and move on, a bit more jaded than before.

    I have an iffy kidney, bad gallbladder (which I must get surgery for and has only added to my depression) and just feel like I am wasting away. Does anyone have any tips of breaking out of this. I TRY so hard, but it seems like as soon as I get in a decent state of mind something bad happens (i.e. the gallbladder) or I see someone who doesn't have any of my issues and they're just so happy and confident that they make me re-think everything. I don't want to be the miserable old lady who never followed her dreams. I am running out of time here. Can someone please help?