Getting close

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by chrysalis, Nov 9, 2009.

  1. chrysalis

    chrysalis New Member

    My name is Nathalia, I'm from Sao Paulo, Brazil. I've been visiting this forum for a while but I was kinda embarrassed of asking you help.

    Well, I haven't lost anyone to suicide. Not literally.
    I have this childhood friend [my best friend actually], she was dating this guy for 3 months and they REALLY liked each other. Two months ago she stopped answering text messages and phone calls. Another friend of mine told me the bad news.. the guy she was dating had killed himself. Obviously I was really shocked, and couldn't stop thinking about her and ways of helping her. Me and her friends waited 2 weeks to visit her. She stopped going to university and quit her other activities such as astronomy and finnish classes.
    When we visited her, her eyes were so hollow, it seemed like she no longer had a soul... it was really hard seeing her that way, but I felt really better after that. She talked more than I though she would... I comforted her and said that suicide shouldn't be a taboo for us and she understood it and cooperate with me. But, since that day I haven't see her anymore. Me and her friends invited her for some events but she always avoids answering our phone calls, usually her mother answers and tells things like 'she is taking a bath' or 'she is busy upstairs cleaning her closet'. All I know is that she's been seeing a therapist, which is really good... but I really want to be close to her... I just don't know how and I hope you guys help me. How can I stay close without preassuring her?
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2009
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    welcome to the forum :hug:

    im so sorry to hear about your friends situation and can understand how upsetting and frustrating it must be for you to try to offer her support. you sound like you are doing a brilliant job at trying to conatct her and make sure that she knows that her friends are there for her and care :hug:

    in answer to your question, you are probably doing all the 'right' things - if there is such a thing as a right thing in these situations. sending her messages of friendship and support - even if it's through her mother who answers the phone will help her realise that you are there for her. maybe suggest doing some quiet activities whre she doesn't have to be terribly social would be a good idea - even if its just to go for a walk. its great that she is seeing a therapist and hopefully it will help her. perhaps you need to just wait a little longer until she is ready to talk and face the world again.

    meanwhile we're here if YOU need support and will be here for you :arms:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...genuine acts of caring are never there for her and ask very little..this is true service to a friend...she is very fortunate to have you...big hugs, J