I have to admit it. I am freaking scared. my hands are shaky and I am afraid that I am finally going to do it tonight. everything is prepared and I think I can really do it this time. 1st time I've tried, I was feeling really strong. I was happy. But this time is different. I feel guilty, sad and shaky and scared that I will actually do it and hurt my family and friends. I am the only one who can stop this but I am keep telling myself, I just have to do it. Don't think too much, just fallow all the plans that I made. I know it will work for sure this time, there is no doubt about that. I think I feel like I still have to prepare more stuff for my family. But I am getting this strong feeling that I am going to try tonight anyways. I am freaking scared but excited too.