So the only thing that's ever helped my bipolar has failed rather spectacularly. Medications have never helped. Psychotherapy has never helped. The stupid goddamn idea I espouse in my signature has stopped helping. 4 cycles in a month. Mixed episodes along with depressions. Always miserable. I'm terribly lonely, I have no RL friends at all. I'm working a summer job which is mildly interesting but I'm failing at it. In 10 weeks I'll be returning to school where I'll be under so much stress I'll be physically ill. I used to be able to handle school and do well in it and feel fine, but the bipolar disorder and the constant horrible pain from my back and the various sedating medications I'm on and the loneliness make it too hard. Even though I'm constantly surrounded by friendly, like-minded people at work I can't make friends. I almost never talk except when I need to for my job. I want to, but I can't. I find no pleasure in anything. Not even liquor anymore. I don't know why I'm posting this. At best, kind words will be directed at me... But what good are kind words? I'm too much of a pussy to [mod edit: methods] so I guess I just go on hoping I die a horrible death in some accident. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't do anything to deserve any of this.