My son's birthday is coming up again soon. I imagine this is what it feels like to know you are going to die. every year i slowly creep towards August 9th and things get harder and harder everyday. And everyday i cry more and more. And then the day will finally come, and I won't feel anything. Which will be worse and make me depressed for weeks. Does this routine ever end? I feel like it wont until i get him back...and i can't get him back. It's almost infuriating sometimes...i wanted to die for so long. and then i lost him. And he never got a chance. he didnt get to laugh or play, he didnt even get to hear me tell him i loved him. and now i wish i wanted to die. Because it would be so much easier to feel that way again, to cut away all my pain. But things have changed. And now i live for him. because he couldnt. And what right do I have to throw away something that my own son never got the chance at. Still...I'd give almost anything for a day where i dont miss him. a day where i dont cry for him. RIP my little Jesse Michael Coffey, Mommy loves you.