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Getting harder.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ateg, Feb 5, 2010.

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  1. ateg

    ateg Member

    I was in here awhile back but wasn't quite comfortable then, not sure if I am now but here goes anyhow.

    I've tried to make my life better and myself lately and attempt to change things. I've tried being more open to family, friends, and co-workers. I've started reading again, which has been one of my great passions. I'm trying to get out more. Just trying to be, well, happy. But it isn't working.

    Just as a general back story. I am now 24 years old. I've been feeling this way for between. 8 years with it progressively getting worse over the past 3 years. I was injured when I was 14 that left me with nerve damage in one leg, I can still walk, it just causes a lot of pain. I lost my nephew whom I was closest to in 2002. This would be my first major thought of committing suicide, where I was in the restroom with a bottle of pills. I have developed several medical conditions, one being on my skin where I must cover up 8 months out of the year.


    I hate feeling the way I do, I know I shouldn't. On the outside I smile, I joke, I tell people my day is great. On the inside though, it's dark. I want to burst out yell, cry, something...anything. Even though in the last month my life seems to have gotten what many people would see as better and I see why they would, but I would honestly throw it all away, close my eyes and fade away if I could.

    I know this might be a little hard to get for some, but if you do understand what I am trying to say, and might have some suggestions that I might not have tried. I would be thankful for a pm with any.

    Thank You.
     
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    all i can say is we are here for you if you need us.
     
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I have sent you a PM, sorry it is a bit long but I am trying to help and want to give you as many suggestions as possible.

    Take care and hope to hear back from you,
    Bambi
     
  4. ateg

    ateg Member

    Thank you, I may not reply on the actual board much, but I am here.
     
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