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Getting help from the wrong person

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ohm, Oct 27, 2007.

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  1. Ohm

    Ohm Member

    Hello, new here : )

    Just need someone to talk to/share my "problems" with.
    Feeling quite lost, as i have been thinking about suicide for some years now as life don't smile at me, and just found a person to talk to about it. But this person is my Ex. girlfriend that just broke up with me for being uninteresting. She has been a real help as she has listened and have had suicide thoughts her self.
    I still see her in the weekends as she likes being with me when shes drunk and I enjoy her company as i still have feelings for her and then have a opportunity to talk about my problems(don't know how well shes listening, but it helps getting through some days). But at the same time i feel that shes dragging me down, when i leave her I'm stuck with a question that if she still got feelings for me and why I see her? (a part of me just wants to forget). I don't want too hurt her but. I wonder if i should keep seeing her, but if i do i wont get over her and if i don't see her i don't have anyone to talk to and i actually lose the only thing that i feel is holding me together.
    I feel weak, like a whiner, cant make a stand, don't have anything to hold on to in my life as i just drop out of college after a mental breakdown.
    I'm also really closed, having a hard time sharing my feelings with others. (have taking me several days to decide to post this, and just because of the anonymity)

    Just wanted to say this : /, and if anyone got any tips or whatever. Just need response thats all, anything...
  2. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    Loneliness and a history of suicidal solitude are the desperate twins, where decision making is concerned. The emotional closeness you once felt for your partner, is now being artificially resurrected by your need of filling the void which has been/is opening up right now. It is the wrong choice in my opinion.

    Ask yourself how a person, once so close to you can objectively deal with your suicidal feelings and emotional turmoil. For all you know, she might be part of a cause, unlikely that she can now be part of the solution. That job belongs in the hands of a person, who is not emotional attached to you, who is able of evaluating and judging your situation from an outsider point of view.

    For that reason, I'm convinced that your ex girlfriend will provide you with a short fix , yes, -after all, nobody wants to feel alone and unsupported in times of a crisis- but you would fool yourself to equate 'she makes things better' with 'can I really go to the root of this with her'? The truth is, only someone who has an outsider perspective can do that.

    Your priority now is to get an objective and unbiased opinion about your emotional health. By all means, create a safety net of friends including your ex, whose only purpose is to catch your fall when you stumble but don't employ them of rebuilding you, when shards of your inner core are scattered everywhere -this is the job of a professional.

  3. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    i think for now you should try to find an unbiased person's help.

    perhaps you could start talking to your ex again, if things emotionally cool off between the two of you.

    i still think it is better to talk to someone than no one at all, but you really should see someone like a counsellor who will just try to support you.
  4. jryan3434

    jryan3434 Active Member

    I agree that talking to your ex is a bad idea. As one of the previous posters said, it is like a fix. She makes you feel a little better for a while, but afterward you feel pathetic and weak for whining to someone who rejected you. It is like someone who gets wasted to forget their problems, and then only feels worse about themselves when the high wears off.

    As long as you view your ex as the only person you can talk to, you wont be able to move on and have healthy relationships with other people. Don't be afraid of being alone for a while. Plenty of successful people have gone through periods of their lives when they had no friends, and no one to really talk to. Periods of lonliness are part of life for just about everyone, especially college age people, and there is nothing wrong with that. Use this period of time to work on yourself, and don't think that someone else has to care about you for you to be healed and feel better. The fact is, any relationship of any kind that you form right now will be done largely out of need, and thus will not be a healthy one. You can't go into relationships afraid that if it fails you will have nothing and be alone again. You have to be happy alone with yourself before you can be happy with another person. If you look to others to fix all your problems you will always be afraid and depressed.

    By the way, your ex broke up with you. Just because she likes hanging out when she is drunk doesn't mean she still cares about you in a romantic way. She may very well just enjoy the ego boost of you following her around in spite of her rejection, and the power that she feels with you pouring your heart out to her when you should be telling her to fuck off. You need to accept that this is over so that you can move on and work on yourself. It sounds to me like you wouldn't be that into this girl anyway if you weren't so depressed.

    Finally, get back to college. Even if it is extremely hard, you have to get back to school. If you screw up your career options now over this you will never forgive yourself for it. You may want to also consider the reasons you give for your time off. Fair or not, some employers or grad schools may look down on the fact that you dropped out of school for "psychological reasons." Make up a good story and get back in there. I know out of personal experience that it is extremely difficult to study when you are deeply depressed, but you have to just suck it up and get it done. If you do what you need to do now in spite of your depression, you will one day be able to use this experience and draw strength it. If you just let yourself go, you will always regret it.
  5. Ohm

    Ohm Member

    First of all, thanks for reply all of you. Feel more motivated and little happy at the moment : ) *memorizing feeling for a rainy day*.

    Maybe all i was looking for was support for leaving her for good, as that have been an idea for some time but it feels like she is/was? holding me together. So I'm doing it(at least thats how I feel now)(leaving her for good that is), I'm scared that I will fail when the moment arrives though. And I'm not looking forward to see how i will react after sometime....

    Also thinking about seeking professional help.

    Will stick around here, forum and chat.

    Barley starting to feel insecure again : /, going to try to sleep i off.
  6. Ohm

    Ohm Member

    ...... that didn't last long, feel like shit again. Sorry guys, really don't know what to do.
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