Getting Help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by therunner, Nov 20, 2009.

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  1. therunner

    therunner Member

    I haven't been really happy for a few years now. I never smile anymore. My boyfriend was the only thing in my life that made me happy. Now he is gone and already dating someone else and happy. Meanwhile I am miserable. He deserves to be happy anyway. I probably was dragging him down. I guess I am just a downer. I am a competitive runner, and running is a huge part of my life, but I have an injury now. The one thing I love I can't do anymore. I transferred to a new college and don't know anyone here. I feel so alone and empty. I think about killing myself everyday, but I don't think I can ever do it. I am too much of a pussy. I could never work up the courage to do it. My dad killed himself when I was 9 years old. It sucks because if I killed myself I don't know if my mom could handle it. She loves me unfortunately. I don't know how my dad did it. I wish I could do it but I can't. I just stick with drinking, cutting, and taking XXX to make myself feel better for just a little bit. I also love sleeping. I just don't want to think anymore. My mind is my own worst enemy. I am a terrible person and totally worthless. I go to UC Berkeley on scholarship, but I don't deserve to go there. I just don't care about anything anymore and I'm struggling bad in all my classes because of it. I desperately want to get help. I know my school has good counselors, but I will never make an appointment. I am too embarrassed and scared to do it. I wish I could just go without making the call. I need someone to talk to. I just feel so bad all the time. I am sick of feeling like this. Sorry for rambling and lack of order in this rant. I just don't care about myself anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sorry things are feel so rough right now...and how many adjustments you are going through...please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing...and please PM me if I can help...big hugs, J
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is tuff breakup new school. Is there a councillor at your school you can talk to. A teacher there that you trust Talking to someone hearing a kind voice does help. Is the a doctor on the campus you are at maybe make an appointment to see and get on some medication just to help you through this rough patch. Have you tried joining some activities at your school a way of meeting new people get involved. I am glad you reached out here stay strong okay being at new school and all maybe the right guy is there for you The pain will decrease in time they say just try to keep your mind busy doing things.
    I hope your injury heals fast so you can get out running again. take care.
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