Getting "High" makes me depressed

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by RunawayTrain, Oct 10, 2010.

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  1. RunawayTrain

    RunawayTrain Member

    I smoke pot just so I can put a smile on my face, but once I feel myself smiling, I then start to cry because I realize how little I actually smile in real life when I'm not high. When I smile, it feels like my smile muscles in my face are finally coming out of hiding. Maybe I literally have weak smile muscles because I walk around unhappy all the time?

    It's like a double-edged sword: I smoke to feel happy, but then I end up even more depressed because I realize how unhappy I am. I still smoke though, because it's worth every second of happiness that I feel, even though I turn a complete 180 and feel sad afterwards. Does this happen to anybody else? Anyone have a little advice for me? Much appreciated! Thank you.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your coping mechanism weed only temporary as you see. Time to get some coping skills in place some help some real meds that will help you heal okay
  3. RunawayTrain

    RunawayTrain Member

    I'm currently on anti-depressants (Welbutrin and Celexa) but they don't seem to help that much though. I honestly feel like I could qualify for medical marijuana or something. I don't know...
  4. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Oh this could have been me posting this.

    Please know that smoking is a temporary fix, doesnt solve problems nor take them away, and I can tell you after 16 years of it, it usually causes more problems, like money, health, anxiety.

    Please if you can stop, stop.
  5. RunawayTrain

    RunawayTrain Member

    Stopping isn't that easy.

    Why would I stop doing the only thing that puts a smile on my face? Think about it. If I had something healthy that made me happy, I would do that. But as of right now, the only thing I can do is smoking weed. I also drink, but they are much different from eachother. I'd much rather be high than drunk. Being drunk just makes me not think about stuff... weed makes me think about other stuff too, but it makes me happy at least. I'd rather be happy than miserable and depressed. I don't want to move onto heavier drugs though.
  6. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    You sound like you're on the right track, Train (no pun intended), and I can definitely relate. I won't get into my smoking history, but it took me a fair while to realise that depression+pot=emotional confusion (OR, pot+emotional confusion=depression).

    I agree that quitting ain't easy, but it doesn't have to be that drastic (NOTE: Not endorsing pot smoking here). If you can learn to not rely on it so much, find other things to put a smile on your face, you will feel more balanced. I only managed it through lack of money, but after a couple of rough months I came out better off.

    -- A tip: Load up on comedy. Stand up shows, funny movies, 90's sitcoms, whatever. You can get the same happy feeling without having to smoke a few. --

    You would already know this, but weed messes with your feelings. It actively tells your brain that if you want to feel happy, cones/joints are the answer. You've got to cut back, and indulge in the standard sources of happiness instead. It doesn't mean that you have to go out, make a heap of new friends, or get an awesome job. You just gotta seek out the other things that make you happy, or find new things that will. Then, you will get some balance.

    EDIT: I'm not trying to sound like some sort of Dr Phil here, but I'll bet that since you get drunk as well as smoke, you'll be feeling worse than if you were doing just one of the two. You're right, drinking is totally different, but alcohol can have a similar negative effect on your emotions. Mixing the two, even seperately during a week/fortnight, can leave you feeling like crap.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2010
  7. copingsux

    copingsux Member

    i was just about to post this shit...
    anyway getting fucked up on any drug/alcohol is great while it last but afterwords you'll always feel a little less happy then before, to help solve this try to make a new friend but someone who you really like (not someone you want to be your friend for whatever other reason) just someone YOU personally like, someone who has traits you like in a person, hopefully you can make a new friend (i know its hard) but hang out with this person like a motherfucker and dont care what he thinks about you, always tell the truth to this friend, you dont have to tell your secrets to him/her but if they ask something not so serious give them a straight answer, make sure you're not faking stuff to get him/her to like you, if they stop hanging out with you then try making a new one until you have the perfect friend, now with a perfect friend you can ask him for help and reassurance and all that, and even when you smoke now afterwords you can say "i got a friend" (or "i smoke with a friend"), this is obviously a long process that is very hard and you probably dont have time for nonetheless i am a new user who you have never even seen/heard of before and you think im just a shitter with a computer and internet connection.
    in fact forget what i said if you want but if you can trust me this works
  8. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Because its not making you feel better, its making the anxiety better. If you get your anxiety under control, then you will notice that you will not need this drug to make you feel better.

    I wish someone would have told me early on that this is a temporary fix, just like taking medication for anxiety or depression. Even after you smoke the problems are still there, the feelings are still there.

    May make you feel better while your doing it, but the chase, the money, the not having it, the time, the guilt, the trying to hide it. To me its more problems than its worth. Not saying I still dont smoke, but this would be one of my #1 that I would change.

    Good Luck
  9. RunawayTrain

    RunawayTrain Member

    Yeah, thank you very much Tobes. I think you're right. I need to figure out what makes me happy, because right now I can only be happy when I'm high. And I don't want to live like that forever. I want to be happy on a consistent basis... like a lot more than I am now, that's for sure. I'll give the movie thing a shot.. stand up and what not. I hate this a lot.
  10. RunawayTrain

    RunawayTrain Member

    I hear ya. But those problems that you listed that you said you have to go through in order to get that temporary fix are more than worth it for me to get that temp fix. I guess I'm just willing to put up with it, because I want that fix so bad.

    But I guess I should work on finding more natural ways of making myself happy. I sort of feel like I've forgotten what makes me happy though, because it's been a while since I've been happy. I need some anxiety meds while I'm trying to do this though, because sometimes I feel really really depressed and I get a little anxious. During these times I could really use a medication to lower that anxiety, because it gets really hard to deal with, and I don't know.

    And like you said, after you're done smoking, you're right back at where you started. Except, sometimes I feel like I even fall back a step. I need some Xanax or something... seroquel, IDK.
  11. RunawayTrain

    RunawayTrain Member

    Yeah I know what you mean. I'll definitely work on something like that. It's sort of hard at the moment because I feel pretty depressed. Pretty depressed. I'm not working at the moment, so meeting people is a little less frequent right now. But I know what you mean. Thank you.
  12. steveoh

    steveoh Active Member

    haha i feel you man, i used to smoke everyday but i was never alone, its when your alone weed makes you think to much about yourself, try smoking only with friends so your mind is thinking about stupid shit other than your problems.
  13. Weed is not an escape mechanism, it dosen't numb you like alcohol or pills... it is actually a MILD psychedelic... as in "mind manifest".

    whatever is going in your mind before you smoke, is gonna be heavy on it when you do. its a thought amplifier.

    if you are in a bad setting, people or place and it's messing with you, getting high is just going to bring it out worse.

    it's not something you just do to "get high" it's a sacrament for a reason, it causes you t olook within your self not escape your self.

  14. serenity2b

    serenity2b New Member

    Just wanted to state that I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling with pot for the past three yrs. It seems to be the only thing that makes me happy as well. I have been on antidepressants for over three yrs (celexa) 60mg before I started smoking pot as the meds don't seems to work. I was also on Seroquel for 4 months. My advice is to stay away from Seroquel It makes you gain weight and smoking pot as well as being on meds that make you gain weight sucks big time. (for me anyways as I also struggle with an ED) Seroquel made me dead tired and messed up my brain even more. I would not recommend it. It is an anti-psychotic which is not needed for depression. My doc gave me it for anxiety and insomnia and it turned me into a zombie pot smoking mess. Just my word of advice from my own personal experience. Everyone reacts differently to meds but I have had a very bad experience with it and was taken off of it.
    I too have been contemplating xanax however I already have issues with pot and don't want to become dependant on xanax as it it much harder to come off
    :(. Maybe therapy is what we need i dunno...I'm sure both of us will get through this eventually.
  15. TreadingBlue

    TreadingBlue Well-Known Member

    I smoke regularly and I don't think it's a problem. I think the problem here is that your using it as a crutch, never a good idea for anything. Marijuana is only helpful if used responsibly, don't smoke it to put a smile on your face because of course the high doesn't last. Don't smoke to "escape reality", I use it to "enhance reality". If I'm having a bad night I refuse to smoke to make it go away because I know the problem will still be there when I run out of weed. Use weed to your advantage, think of ways you can improve your life. If nessecary cut down on your usage so you know your road to recovery is you and you only.
    I hope this helps, stay strong :)
  16. laisydazy

    laisydazy Member

    I smoke pot to feel happier, and it works as long as I'm with people I can have fun with. But when I come down, I get really, really depressed.
  17. jordan.

    jordan. Member

    When I first started smoking weed, everything was fine, and I'd just chill every time I blazed. Just hung out and played video games, content.

    My problems started when I would eat the roach, or really whenever I just got way too high. I'd lock myself up in the bathroom and cry, or just randomly leave the house, crying. Friends would chase me down and everything.

    Solution? Never smoke alone. Make sure you have great friends around to keep you entertained. Never go off by yourself. I got left alone for five minutes and I tried to off myself.

    Your friends can keep that smile on your face, even if you can't. :)
  18. TreadingBlue

    TreadingBlue Well-Known Member

    Well that's not necessarily true. I smoke solo all the time, I like to think of it as me time. I like to put a bunch of pillows by my window at night smoke a few bowls and just listen to music, think about things, look outside, and just chill. I think whatever mood your in before you smoke it'll just be more powerful after.
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