getting hit on... don't like it, but kinda wish...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by KittyGirl, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I don't like getting hit on- but I kinda wish it would happen... even just once. -__-
    Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just...strange?

    I feel so horrible. I hate myself and feel really ugly and gross. -__-
    I always used to HATE it when guys would hit on me, or when people would compliment me. It would make me feel dirty somehow. I wouldn't throw it back in their faces or anything--- I'd say "thanks" "I have a boyfriend" "I'm really sorry..." or whatever... but it always made me feel really awkward.
    I guess I figured they were just saying things because they could- 'cause they were drunk and wanted to get laid- or something; so I didn't like it.

    Somehow now... after not being approached in years (being single, but not looking to date) I kind of wish someone would compliment me or something. Even if they were just saying it for whatever silly reason, would it help boost my confidence?

    I don't show alot of skin, I don't go out to parties, I don't get drunk... mostly though-- I don't dress like a slut. So my chances of getting approached by anyone are pretty slim...

    My questions for the ladies:
    Do you get hit on alot/very little/never?
    Does/would it boost your confidence?
    Do you like it? (is it weird to hate it, but want it?)

    My question for the guys:
    Do you prefer(to approach) 'sexy' girls/girls who dress provocatively or 'cute' girls/girls who seem more casual?
    The answer seems pretty obvious, but I'll ask anyways. And why?

    Now that I think about it, I think feeling this way is normal.
    Although I feel uneasy when people look at me, it's kind of like... human nature to want praise.
    I doubt I'll ever get it though~ **sigh** oh well. :donut:
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    If I were to approach either I'd probably approach the more casual looking girl. Seems more probable she'd be shyer which'd be more my type. Outgoing frightens me.
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Same here but with guys. Way too confident people just scare me shit loads. I've never actually asked anyone out, but I'd always go for the casual/shy-ish person :tongue:.
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Do you get hit on alot/very little/never?
    Does/would it boost your confidence?
    Do you like it? (is it weird to hate it, but want it?)

    1./ Every time I step outside, so I'd say a lot and very often.

    2./ It depends. Some days I go out and look and feel like I'm the flyest bitch in the world. I don't think it boosts my confidence at all because people who compliment me aren't telling me anything that I don't already know. But they do make me feel like at least I'm still physically desirable, for whatever that's worth. And some days I just don't care either way.

    3./ I don't like being hit on because I know there's nothing else after that. I know that I'm not half as attractive inside; so it makes me feel embarrassed to have a pretty face and know that if anyone has the misfortune of knowing me that they will eventually come to resent me. So the looks, and thus the compliments, mean nothing and are worthless to me. It also makes me feel sad because even if someone that I think is handsome does compliment me and tries to flirt with me, I'll disregard everything he says with a "meh" attitude (knowing he won't like who I am once he gets to know me), and will just walk away like they're not worth my time. I have an historical habit of disappearing away from people. As far as whether I want compliments, not really. But I mean if somebody else finds something about me appealing, they're gonna speak on it so, hey, free speech, man. I usually just shrug my shoulders and wish they will leave me alone.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    It really depends who's giving the compliments and attention.

    I can immediately tell harmless flirting (and I've been told I'm a natural flirt, I just cannot help that), from "the invasion of personal space" thing.

    As for your questions- yes, no, and it depends.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2010
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm actually pretty well known to hate compliments of all kinds. I take them quite badly and have even told people to "shut up" when they've said I was kind, etc., before. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, as though they're either saying it to get something out of me, because they pity me, or because they're joking and want to have a laugh with their mates when I believe it. I know what they say isn't true whichever the case, so it becomes a really awkward moment for me.

    I never get hit on, partly because I hardly ever leave the house to allow anyone to, and partly because I'm not all that desirable. When people do hit on me I'm usually very awkward and robotic, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, even if a little happy that someone, no matter what their reasons, actually paid some attention to me.

    I think everyone likes to feel wanted, so it's not abnormal to like it, even if you don't actually like it happening to you in the first place. Humans are a very complicated species, after all.
  7. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Happens quite a lot for me.. not as much as it used to since I let myself go.. but still get guys sniffing around & asking me out.
    Does it boost my confidence? Depends who it is. With some people it's just plain creepy and others it's a little more flattering. It does temporarily make me feel a bit better about my appearance but at the end of the day I always go back to hating how I look.
    Do I like it? Again depends who it is. Nowadays I feel too gross and large to be attractive so no... at the moment I really don't.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2010
  8. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    I get hit on a fair amount.

    Hmm..this next question is hard to answer for me. I go from thinking I am hideous to knowing from experience that I sure as hell am not. I think it's my eating disorder/body dysmorphyic disorder that gets in the way of my logical reasoning. I think somtimes it can if I am feeling like a sack of crap, but most times I realise that I am a good-looking woman and naturally I receive compliments due to this fact.

    I have a hard time taking compliments, especially if they are from jerky arseholes in the forms of cat calls and whistles. Those just make me irrate and want to flip them the bird, which I usually do.
    Umm, I usually just say thanks. It's when someone tries to compliment me on my personality that I really find myself struggling.

    I don't think it's weird to want it but hate it..when you don't see yourself as someone who is attractive you might have a hard time believeing that the person is being truthful or question their motives behind being hit on?
    I think everyone wants attention from people though. So I wouldn't say that is weird.
  9. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Exact same as this. I would never go after a guy that dressed like a slut, either.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    For me, if I'm into a girl, it really doesn't matter how she's dressed. She could be almost naked or wearing a burqa and I'd approach her just the same.
  11. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    How would you determine whether you're "into" someone if you've never met and don't know her? You wouldn't know anything to compliment her on except her appearance, at that point, right?
  12. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Do you get hit on alot/very little/never?
    Does/would it boost your confidence?
    Do you like it? (is it weird to hate it, but want it?)

    1. Fairly often. A lot of the time though, people will just look for a while then go away when I make it obvious that I wouldn't recieve comments in a friendly way.

    2. Eh, kinda. I'm very happy with the way I look, my boyfriend does a lot to boost my confidence. It does, however, make me pleased that my boyfriend has an attractive girlfriend, if that makes any sense at all.

    3. I nothing it, in honesty. If someone just looks or says something nice, I'm flattered and i'll tell them no nicely. I hate people that make extremely sexual comments though, I feel very uncomfortable about those and tend to respond rudely to them.

    Have you considered that maybe your lack of confidence since you lost your ex is putting guys off? You feel unattractive, so give off an unapproachable vibe, perhaps?
  13. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm sure that probably plays a part in it.
    I guess I just feel like... if I were actually attractive; it wouldn't matter if I were the brooding girl in the corner-- I'd still get hit on once in awhile.

    I don't feel like I *need* attention from others though... so it's okay.
    I'm just a bit sad that I haven't been approached a single time lately. The last time I was hit on was probably 4-5 years ago; when I was with my boyfriend. So I feel a bit like now, no one would want me.

    I'm trying to focus on liking myself < but it's really hard when I've never liked myself since I was a little kid. I felt better about myself when I knew that someone else liked me-- and now no one likes me; including me.
    So I guess I'm just looking for an easy way out again. -__-
  14. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    If I had to choose I would go for the more casually dressed. maybe jeans and a band tee?
  15. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    ah-- exactly. That is what I meant--- just based on a first impression, without having a conversation with her. Only looks; and I'm pretty sure any guy who is actually the type of guy to hit on a girl -in public- would hit on the "sexy" type way before he'd try hitting on the "cute" type.

    Perhaps the shy type of guy would be more attracted to the more casual "cute" girl-- but he may not be the type to hit on a girl at all.
    So... theoretically, that's great! Cute girls get attention too; it's nice to know that there are guys who prefer that type... but in the real world, it seems that it is much less likely they would be approached by anyone when there's a big-breasted chick in a mini-dress standing next to her.

    That's fine. XD
    Tough luck, I guess... but I suppose for the cute/shy girl; the one guy who *does* approach her finally, would be a better match for her than some drunken guy whose just looking to get laid.
    I might be stereotyping here; but that's just the way I see it in 99% of cases.
  16. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    From what I can tell, men tend to just.. not notice a lot of women lacking in confidence. It's nothing to do with their looks, they just fall under the radar. Unless a guys "type" is specifically based around shyness, but like you said earlier they're probably less likely to just come right out and hit on someone. But it could even be that you're being vaguely hostile without even realising it. Your last boyfriend really hurt you, if I remember correctly from your other posts you don't feel you're ready for another relationship. Part of you might be trying to push people away so you don't have to risk getting hurt again. Just little things like the way you're standing can send off a "leave me alone" vibe.
    Probably wrong, but just a thought! :tongue:

    Ummm.. I don't normally encourage that people use these, but have you considered checking out this book? My brother has it, as well as one to help him sleep. His job is very, very stressful and he's suffered with severe anxiety and "Pure O" for almost as long as I can remember. This book really helped him at work and he usually hates self-help books. Like, seriously XD Might be worth a shot, at least.
  17. ClaireAnnette

    ClaireAnnette Member

    sums it up for me.

    for your questions
    Do you get hit on alot/very little/never?
    I get hit on fairly often, it doesn't happen every day, but i do notice when people flirt.

    Does/would it boost your confidence?
    It does give me a little boost knowing that people find me at least interesting to talk to.

    Do you like it? (is it weird to hate it, but want it?)
    I do, actually, i enjoy talking to people and it's a good way to interact for me.

    I don't think it's weird to hate it. I hate it when i'm talking to a guy, he figures out how old I am and then completely ignores me. It makes me feel like he was only interested in soemthing sexual. If they're genuinely sweet people and are good conversationalists, then it's actually pretty nice. There's a lot of different kind of guys, and a million more reactions.

    I have a friend who is extremely pretty, I think she's prettier than I am, but for some reason, she almost never gets hit on. It hink it's because she puts out a shy vibe. Guys are probably afriad of getting shut down so they'll avoid people they think will turn them down. I'm pretty forward and confident so people tend to approach me more. I smile at people all the time, and (I figure) that that makes me approachable. If you feel confident, people will be drawn to you. Why not try talking to other people first? This is the 21st century woman! you're allowed to start chatting first ;p

    i do have lots more to say but this is getting to be a brick wall.
  18. ClaireAnnette

    ClaireAnnette Member

    There's also body language and what you're doing at the time before the person hits on you. Maybe you're having a conversation about video games, and the guy finds girls who like video games extremely attractive? Or you're wearin g aband tee shirt that the guy really likes. Maybe your body language is saying to him "hey i think you're kinda cute" so it gives him the little boost to come and say hello.
  19. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    I used to get approached. Most of the time if the girl is really pretty i would assume she's teasing me or some shit. A really hot girl at work usually approached me for cigarrettes breaks. But then we worked very late and noone else was around haha... But i did ask her once if she would like to go out for dinner and she said yea. She has a boyfriend though, so no funny buseness. We never actually end up going out for dinner cause i always say i was busy.

    In any case i can sense when a girl is interested i guess. But to answer the question, i prefer cutesy casual girls. Which is practical since most asian girls are like that.

    My ex girlfriend is not hot. Heh, when we first date she even asked me "why me? why do you want to date someone like me?" Well my answer was "Cause i want to" :D
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  20. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I heard on a radio show that young women feel violated when someone takes a look at them. But when they get older and less attractive they wish that someone would give attention.