Getting older

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MeAndYou, May 11, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    I dont want to watch time cripple my parents.

    I'm young but old enough to see time eat away at everything and im scared of the future. I dont feel capable of being there (monetarily, physically, emotionally) for my parents.

    Anyone else?
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I'm already age 54. Watched my dad pass from a horrible form of cancer and currently taking care of my mother who has several serious illnesses and/or maladies.

    I'm scared for all the reasons you mention; just on enough meds. and therapy to keep me going. I can toltally relate. Would welcome a private message to discuss further if you want to. It really hits home with me.

    But I still do get some enjoyment out of life.
  3. tls5669

    tls5669 Active Member

    Think of the people you would hurt, thats what I do, I dont want to disappoint or hurt anyone more than I think I already have.

    Im old too......although not the old fart Shades is.....:biggrin::tongue:

    No parent should have to bury their child, regardless of age. Read some of the post that parents have put up and you can tell the sorrow in their words, If you love your folks do you want them to go through that?
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why don't you do some volunteer work at an adult living facility.. You will learn how to take care of someone older and hear some good stories..You can use what you learn to help support your parents.. Money means nothing, your love and understanding will go along way in letting your parents know you care..My parents are in a facility on the other side of the state but I call them and let them know they are not forgotten..When we go to my sisters over there I always make a point of seeing them..
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi MeAndYou.

    I understand what you're talking about. I'm in the process of caring for an elderly parent right now. I think how much we can "be there" for aging parents has to take our own needs/abilities into consideration as well as the parents' needs.

    Many seniors are quite physically active and very mentally sharp the whole way. I know one spry "young man" of 92 and I had an elderly aunt who was in a home from about age 70 because she couldn't care for herself.

    The only future we can "predict" is that we get older and so do our parents as the years add up. But how that journey goes is not set in stone. We don't know if our parents will be feeble or feisty. And how we deal with it, whatever challenges our parents and we face, we generally will do "the best that we can."

    In my own situation, I'm finding some things try my patience - but hey, it's my dad. So I try to bite my tongue, slow down a bit more, and make sure that he is enjoying life as much as he can. As adult offspring, I think we have resources we don't know about until they are called for.

    I'd try not to worry yourself too much about the future. Cherish the time you have now with your parents.

  6. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies everyone :) I truly do appreciate them and they made me feel a ton better.

    I still worry on and off about how capable i am and how to deal with watching your loved ones grow old but I guess for the most part its wasted energy. I can only react in the here and now. Like i said, im not old but certain things have really shoved home the reality of mortality and automatically i think of my parents. One thing is for sure not alone in this situation.

    Anyway thanks again :)
  7. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I feel it all the time. I don't want to face the future, I'm not really interested in it either. I'm in my 5th year of college and will be graduating soon but I have no interest in the future. All I can see is paying off my debt and working all the time. :dry:
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I can totally relate as well.
    My Mother is the youngest of nine and they all seem to be dropping like flies, every single year.
    An aunt died this morning actually, and this time last year another aunt died, an uncle died, one is about to go, and so on and so forth.
    My Mum keeps on saying how she's next and they are all going to go before we know it.
    It also hits home because all of the aunts and uncles childrens neglected looking after their parents, in fact the one who just died was neglected so much so that it killed her (she was found in a bed of her own faeces).
    My Mum said her kids are to blame for this, because she was SO angry at them for not looking after their Mother/her Sister properly.
    I know deep down she was saying "please don't you dare do this to me?"

    I won't. I wouldn't. I couldn't. But for a girl who isn't even sure want she wants children, how am I supposed to look after my ageing mother? I'll do the best job I can for her but still, it terrifies me everyday.
  9. raziel777

    raziel777 New Member

    My father has Parkinsons and i've had a difficult time accepting this. It's so hard to witness the transition from able bodied to frailty.
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know it can be frightening thinking about caring for your parents when they are the ones that have spent a lifetime caring for you. The responsibilities that you mentioned and your own well being while caring for them. But being an "old fart" I know that a) I dont ever want to put that kind of responsibility on my children. b) that if I ever get to see real old age that my kids will atleast love me enough not to just forget about me. I think ever parent out there just wants to be assured that if the situation should ever come up that our kids will continue to keep us an important part of their lives. So all I can suggest is that you keep letting your parents know that you love them and that you always will. Let the future happen and dont worry about it so much right now. Another thing to consider is that many parents if able to have been saving some type of monies for their own future. Top help through retirement years and to be able to live comfortably even if they develope health issues. So their money will buy them help and a place to live but it will never be able to buy the love they need to feel from you.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.