Getting on your nerves again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blacky, Oct 23, 2013.

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  1. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    So, here we are again, getting on your precious nerves just by being me...
    So, yeah, I'm back and have new unimportant problems to share with the world, or at least the Internet-World, because I have no idea what else to do. The plan was not to do it, but I can't just...yeah know...change it...that I feel badliy...
    So, how do I start? I wrote a letter to my dad today and I asked him why he did these horribles things to my mom, my two brothers and me and gave him a chance to explain himself. I just gave him my fake mail adresse, because you never know how things might turn out. I want to know why he abused us, why he stole our money, why he touched me, why he almost killed me...Anyway this made me really freakin sad, I mean, I was pretty upset I quess this doesen't matter, but...I can't change it. I mean, I'm afraid I fail my classes, because I can't concentrate, I have to act happy all the time, because I'm afraid my school might kick me out after all (they can do it, because they said I upset others), I can't put my friends and family through this again and I want to call my friend so badly, but I won't, because I'm afraid I might hurt her. I mean, hey, I'm feeling bad again and I know you put so much effort into this, but it didn't work, sorry. That is not fair, I mean, for her. She helps me all the time and this is how I'm gonna repay her? Nope. It would help me, but..Okay, so the next thing is, I quit cutting, which kinda makes me nervous all the time and I can't concentrate on anything.
    And I'm feelinf really bad right now, because I read all the messages on my profile and...I don't now...I know that you guys her put also effort in everybody, you try and I kinda ignore this...I hate myself for beeing a bad person, I just wanna help and I'm so bad in helping others.
    Everything is just ending in a disaster. I'm on the edge right now, one more step from killing myself. And this is freakin me out. I hate it, but it seems like I can't live without these feelings.

    So, I draw a picture for you guys, so you won't feel like giving up (like me right now)
  2. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Blacky :( I'm sorry, it must be very very hard. Unimaginably hard :(
    I don't know what to say, I can't offer much, but I'm here. I hope you don't feel like you are alone. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk too. Your dad is really a bad person, I'm sorry about that :( I hope everything get better for you.

    Maybe for your friend you can repay her by helping yourself going through all of this. To be better, to prove her that she did the right thing. I wish everything goes well for you, and that everything will be good. Best wishes, *hug
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