Getting out of Chicago???

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Jun 8, 2010.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hopefully, I can sell this car. If I could just make a few K, I would leave after my summer class. Here is the thing and maybe you all could tell me what you think. I have met a guy online. Crazy, right??? We have been talking since December. I can not believe how much I have fallen for him. We even talk about marriage. I never ever thought I could feel this way about a guy I have never met in person. I have webcammed with good looking guys in the past, but there never was a connection like with him. As all my real life relationships have failed, he has been the only consistent thing..He tells me that if I go there, I can stay in his home with him and his family. He is only 3 years older than me. My original plan was to go there and stay in a hotel with my mother, see what he is about, and if he is genuine, I return alone. However, I have told my mother about him and she doesn't really support it so I am afraid if she were to come with me, she would embarrass me and then there will never be a chance that this relationship will progress. She is open to taking a vacation for a week or two to meet him, but she has made it clear that I have no future with him... This has nothing to do with him personally, but more with my mother's elitism.
    Here is my plan: I want to try and make some money over the next few weeks. I have two cars that I can sell. Hopefully, somebody buys them. If not, I am just going to take money out of my savings. This money will be spent not only for my trip, but for me to buy some nice stuff for myself to feel better and more confident before I meet him. You know? Clothes, shoes, beauty products, new luggage. BTW- He is in a European country. I figure I will go to my home in Italy first... Then, go there without telling anybody. Call my mother once I arrive and she will have to accept it. I am 22 not 16. I deserve to be happy for once. Still, there is soooo much uncertainty. What if he is a jerk in person? What if I waste all this money for nothing. Him and I already have a sort of hot and cold relationship. Basically, we play games sometimes. IDK. I just like him so much and he has told me that he wants the same stuff as me...Love, family, marriage. He has even said that he will be ready to marry me on the day I arrive. Of course, I don't think I would be open to that., but if we really hit it off after a week or so, why not? We have been talking for so long anyway and unlike real life, I have told him things that I could not tell a guy face to face..... What do you guys think I should do?????
     
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that you have found a connection like this with someone... just don't, you know... burn all of your bridges all the way to his house; if you know what I mean?
    It might work- it might not; don't rush into things- thinking that there's no way you can fail, because you may very well end up getting hurt.


    be careful, please
     
  3. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Listen. I don't think you should do this. In the end you should make your own decision, but this is my opinion about the situation. I don't think you should do it.

    One thing you should remember is that what things appear to be online, interms of chemistry, are not always the same in person, amongst society, in social situation, in physical contact -- the chemistry is usually not the same. You have only been talking to this person through the internet since December, so you barely know him. Good relationships do come from the internet occasionally, but also remember many expensive investments people make do not turn out in their benefit in most of these instances.

    You cannot determine that someone loves you through the internet, especially someone who does not know you nor has any personal investment in you. It seems to me that you're the one making all the compromises to go see this stranger; what compromise is HE making? If he was any kind of gentleman with real respect for you, you would both meet on neutral grounds where it's convenient and not a great hardship for either of you. You're talking about getting a thousand dollars for this, selling a car for that, taking out all of your savings for this and that and so forth, but I don't hear you saying anything about what HE is doing, except providing the place for y'all to sleep together.. ... Do you get my groove?

    Now I'm not saying that he's trying to use you for sex, but that you should look at the situation outside of your emotions. Be open to this being a likely result of this rendezvous in a strange place with a strange person. Many times, these kinds of meets end in having sex, being nice, and then afterward when you return home, you find that the person becomes distant, and loses interest. And then you're the one left with a broken heart crying all day and night. AND, at a loss of thousands of dollars... and he's lost nothing.

    Your mother already knows about him. So you and her have already had the talk. Good. Why can't HE come to where YOU are? He's the gentleman, you're the lady. What kind of woman puts everything she has on the line to see someone she doesn't even know. There's risk with every romantic situation, but in this particular situation, it's important that you minimize those risks as much as possible; yet it seems that you are maximizing them as much as possible by compromising everything you have while this person compromises nothing. It's a two-way street but you're the only one on it, do you see what I'm saying?

    I think if what the two of you have is truly genuine, and he actually cares about your well-being and your interests and your sacrifice and compromises, and RESPECTS you, then I don't think it would hurt to be friends for a little longer and just wait until conditions are optimal for both of you to meet without having to lose so much and put too much on the line without even knowing what you're getting out of it. It's easy for anyone to believe "i love you" in text, but that translates to nothing in reality if you don't even know them.

    If and when the two of you meet, if you do decide to do this, he's not going to think of you as being his girlfriend that he's committed to. He's not going to introduce you to his friends and family as his girlfriend. You're just going to be the girl he knows through the internet who traveled XXXX miles to see him and spent all of her savings and lost thousands of dollars just to be his friend... I mean think about it, when you get there, it's going to be a first date and you're just going to be a friend, not this fantasy that you have in your mind that there are going to be amazing proclomations of love and proposals, etc.

    I think the both of you should take more time, and just because you feel on personal romantic terms with him does not necessarily mean that he can reciprocate that. So if you do decide to go, do not stay at his place and don't have sex with him. Take it as nothing more than a coffee or dinner date to have fun with someone you're just meeting for the first time and don't truly know.

    But again, I don't think you should go because you're making too many compromises when he's making none, taking advantage of your being desperate and foolish. If he's really as interested as you seem to think, he will come to you and you wouldn't have to jump through all these hoops of fire and losing everything you have. A bird in the hand is better than two birds in the bush.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2010
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    And another thing... you're vulnerable. A lot of men will take advantage of that to their benefit and your loss, and because you're desperate for love and someone you feel close to who is so far away and is such a mystery that you don't know, that only makes the situation worse. The fact that you are already, in your mind, putting up everything you have just to see this person, is giving him the subconscious impression that you're easy and that he doesn't have to compete for you at all. You're just throwing yourself at this person, and all he had to do was press a couple of keys on his keyboard and tell you everything you want to hear. What kind of tangible investment has the person made in YOU?
     
  5. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Agreed. Take it slower. Your moving far too fast at the minute and you might scare this person off
     
  6. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey, you are all right. I am already starting to see a different side of him anyway. The problem is that it would be difficult for him to obtain a visa to come all the way to the U.S. I need to think about me now anyway. Today was just such a hard day. I really need some help. Yesterday morning I cut for the first time since I was a teenager. I just can't deal with the pain...
     
  7. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    By the way, I am already hurt without even getting to his house :(((
     
  8. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    That's a lame excuse he's giving you and you know it. It's difficult for you to get thousands and thousands of dollars, selling what you have, taking out all your money, but his ass can't even get a damn VISA? That should tell you what he's willing to invest and compromise right there. But I'm glad you're already wise enough to see through it all and starting to realize some things.

    Hang in there and focus on you. :console:
     
  9. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thanks alot for all the support. I guess only time will tell what will happen. I need to focus on me because I have been very "sick" the past few days.
     
  10. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    Be very carefull. my second wife I met online. I had 5 years of a very good life and was very happy.
    All moved very fast and we were married within a year. During this marriage I made an empire with support from my wife. One day I awoke and she stole everything! Took my life and soul also.
    Be very careful and investigate what you can. Know your feelings will be on the line also. Protect yourself.
     
  11. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I understand everyone's concerns. However, I don't think it matters if you meet someone online or in real life. You can get hurt no matter what. I was hurt by somebody I knew for 12 years, so what is the difference???? The weird thing with online is that it is not just about chatting anymore and with the times, online has become pretty much the primary way we meet people. You can now see the person on webcam and actually hear them. In a way, it is also easier to reveal more online and get to know a person better because there is a wall up unlike real life where we are more vulnerable and I get sooo shy. Online I do not feel a need to be so shy.