my life is complete shit. Dying from the inside out. I fear the end, but welcome it everyday. i want to die. god, who WANTS that? I must be sick. I must be ungrateful, selfish. I must be weak. I must be crazy. I think the only way to get over this angst, is to just try it, then one way or another I will get this compulsion out of my system. I feel like I HAVE to try, I would feel incomplete if I did not eat at least try. I am tired of the ambivalence, the debate in my head, the pain, the guilt, all of it, so tired of all of it and of me.