Getting ready to end it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by summerschild, Mar 10, 2010.

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  1. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    No matter what I do my life is always the same... crappy. I am faking being ok so that my family won't try and stop me. Having been hoarding pills and will be going to a doctor soon so I can obtain the pills I need. As soon as I get all the pills I need will be outta here. After all it won't be a loss to anyone. I'm just taking up space and that's not reason enough to stay.
    summerschild
     
  2. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Are you sure you've tried everything to turn things around? Is there really nothing you haven't tried?

    Often it seems there's no answer but it's just hard to see sometimes. Especially when you're very emotional.

    How come your life is "crappy"? Maybe if you share a little, people here can shed some light on paths you can take that lead to happiness in your life. :)
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    pills will only cause you more complications more pain. Try reaching out to get some support you need and deserve. Your parents a teacher a councillor a therapist group supports There is help out there healing so you can move forward and live a good life Reach out talk so others can help and you in turn can help others that are suffering too. Pills will only make thing worse not a good choice at all. There are good paths to take you just have to find them.
     
  4. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    I have tried therapy, meds, talking, you name it. It hasn't worked. Every time I think things are better they get worse. I haven't been able to get out of this depression. I have tried. Just want to end it so that my pain will end. I know in my heart that their pain will be only temporary. I know because I would not be the first suicide in the family. I have lost 2 other relatives to it and their family recovered pretty quickly. I know mine will too especially my so called husband who is that in name only. Thanks for the help but I am beyond help now.
    summerschild
     
  5. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    there is a problem with your first post:
    you are faking so that people wont stop you
    you feel you wont be missed

    then why do you care if people know? think on it.

    heres the answer: the reason you dont want people to know is because they WOULD try to stop you...why?
    BECAUSE THEY CARE

    YOU WOULD BE MISSED.

    Keep posting...tell us whats wrong. we will listen
     
  6. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Actually my husband knows. He knows what I am thinking of and he doesn't care. I wish I could talk to my family but if I do then they will try to stop me. I don't believe it is because they care but because they feel this is what they are supposed to do.
     
  7. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    even so, they care to some extent. if they truely didnt then they would ignore that feeling and would therefore ignore you completely

    Trust me, people care. I CARE
     
  8. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    This is a problem I see with a lot of suicidal people on these boards. They assume that "nobody cares" and "I won't be missed" just because people haven't actually told them that they care. I have never met one person that didn't have care and support in their lives. Even if they were total bastards or bitches, they would still have people in their lives to care for and support them, no matter how their attitude or situation was.

    Now I could be wrong about this, and you could actually have nobody that cares (I highly doubt it), but the answer isn't suicide, it's to find people that care, like a doctor or therapist. It's their jobs to care, so you can't say that they don't care about you.

    And when you say that you've tried things and they didn't work, my answer to that would be that you need to keep on trying (without giving up), or try something new. You don't have to throw in the towel just because your life has gotten tough, or you want it all to stop. There are other options, options that will help you live a better life, not die an easier death.

    Besides, I already know that people care about you (be it summerschild, or anyone else here), because other members have said repeatedly, "I care". They aren't lying.
     
  9. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    yes! exactly! do that!
     
  10. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Maybe they do care but I doubt it. Even if they do they will get over it. In a few days it will be like I never existed. Like I said before I would not be the first in my family to do this. My uncle died by self inflicted gun shot - his family is fine. My aunt remarried not long after and even his own kids forgot about him. The other suicide was my cousin who hanged himself at our grandfather's barn. The only evidence that it happened was that the barn was torn down (but that would have happened anyway as it was falling down and they were afraid the grandkids might be hurt playing in it).
    I found a doctor who will give me the prescription I need to finish my pill cocktail. I have found a place on the internet where I can get the pills at a price I can afford. Before too long I will have all I need. And then sweet relief. Not just for me but for those around me who have to put up with me.
    Thanks for listening.
     
  11. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I've sent you a PM... PLEASE reply. :(
     
  12. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    I sent you a reply. Sorry it is such a long one.
     
  13. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Made a doctor's appointment for next month.
     
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    because they don't speak of their pain doesn't mean it doesn't exist I suffer so silently every fffffff day with pain you are just kidding yourself if it is what you need then it is but don't sit here and say no one will care no one will be affected because dam it they will be Maybe you hate these people well you won't be around to see their suffering anyways so what do you care. You need to get help and get well because you deserve happiness and can have it if you want it. Just don't play that game where everyone will get over it because we never do NEVER
     
  15. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    :sad:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2010
  16. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    If you will stay with me then I will stay with you. I will keep my doctor's appointment but I won't ask for pills. I promise I won't hurt myself.
     
  17. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    :stars::hugtackles::wiggle::weee::yay:

    That's GREAT!!!! :)

    I'll be here. You can count on me.
     
  18. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

  19. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    :)

    I don't have much time to chat right now but I'll contact you as soon as I do.
     
  20. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Why are you defining your self worth by others, even if it's your own family? They are also trying to be the winner in this no-win game, and it's not their fault. It's human nature to be on top of the argument, so to speak. Interestly, they are also victims of a society that demands there be a winner and a loser. I just want to say that I hope you can realize that you don't have to be either/or. You are a human being who deserves respect no matter where you come from or what situation you are in. This is such important knowledge, I hope you realize it as such because it has helped me love myself, and I know it can help you too. ;)
     
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