getting scared

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by turryburry, Feb 4, 2015.

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  1. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Just realized mom is not answering texts either. Feeling guilty (and scared) because I was just messaging someone about understanding if my mother wasn't invited to my aunt's gathering after her cremation. (Mom got pretty crappy towards a cousin on FB). One cousin threw me under the bus last week by calling my mommy and telling her to tell me not to text. wtf? Apparently since my breakdown two years ago I'm no longer an adult. All the witch had to do was STOP TEXTING ME!! I thought we were having a 2-way conversation so I wouldn't bother my aunt--turns out SHE was repeating everything to her mother (my aunt) and my aunt was getting upset. My fault. Cousin J is a ()*S&*&^%&^%&^%. We've had run-ins before. She also told my mother not to call her sister anymore--they'd been talking every day.

    Cousin J's sister is not handling her mom's death very well (who would?). I've been there for her because I know it's what my gram would have wanted and I genuinely like her in spite of our 20 year age difference. Sent a short note to her husband re: gathering and hoping no matter what S and I stayed close. Now I'm wondering who is talking to who, how far under the bus I am and when to end it all.

    Depending on which diagnosis you believe from my docs stress can cause a psychotic break. I'll stick with the other diagnosis!! Mom made it clear I wasn't invited to go with them 3 states away. Let's recap:

    Sibs not talking to me since last week/week before.
    Parents not answering texts.
    Parents taking mentally disabled uncle (driving two hours out of way for same) to gathering. Fine, I'd just want to punch cousin J's face so I can deal without it but I can't lose the last two people that talked to me (my parents). I don't know if this husband heard malicious gossip about me and forwarded messages thinking I'm a crazy person or not. I know I sound like one now. I don't know if I'm getting paranoid. My dad has been asking for explanations for my texts like I'm writing in a different language and that freaks me out.

    Mom has been sending game invites on FB. Good sign right? Have been up 30 hours (since found out aunt passed). had a few bloody marys during the night and switched to coffee and red bull 7 hours ago. Chicken and egg--yes, need sleep but too stressed. Do not smoke illegals anymore. Was going to put this in my diary but I need to check in and read feedback. I will not text or message any family member.

    Telling me to get sleep right now would not be helpful. I don't plan to sleep for a while. If it turns out I am the family defective then my parents being out of town would make this the perfect weekend...... (I really hate gossiping and backstabbing and this side of the family is famous for it!)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2015
  2. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Just realized didn't explain timing well. Yesterday my mom said she wasn't traveling, there was no service. Today I sent message to S's husband about the gathering S and Cousin J had mentioned previously. One hour later---husband accepted friend request, did not reply to message. One hour after that I get a text from my mom about the gathering. That's why I'm freaked--the timing.

    Also couldn't figure out why my mom said she was having a 'blessed' day. She never talks like that. Told S's husband that us atheists had to stick together. Pretty sure my life is over.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2015
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