Getting sworn at by a friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by VioletGirl, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. VioletGirl

    VioletGirl Member

    Hi all =]

    It's a pretty long story that I'm planning to tell.. Well thanks if you can listen.

    In Feb this year, I became close friends with the girlfriend of the guy I used to like (and sort of still do), it was really weird, but we just sort of hit it off and she didn't really mind the fact that I used to like him. I used to trust her a lot, and told her virtually everything. I went through a period that was sort of harsh and told her a lot about my problems. However, one day she suddenly called and told me that I had to stop complaining and stop being so depressed (which I wasn't) for our friendship to work, because apparently I was annoying her by telling her about my problems. That really hurt me, though she didn't seem to realise.

    After that I actually tried to stop "complaining", but I didn't know how telling her about my problems was the same as complaining, so I just stopped talking to her about myself altogether. She didn't even realise that I'd stopped trusting her, and continued to almost dump her problems on me. At times I felt like it was so unfair -- when I tell her about MY problems, it's called complaining and depression. When she tells me HER problems, I was almost like obligated to help. Though I thought that friendship was all about sacrifices, so I continued to help her out.

    A few months ago, she was really sick and missed out on a lot of school work. I decided to help her by telling her about what she's missed out on, and also about the upcoming assessments and exams. I called her up and she did sound really sick so I was so worried. Though the next day she came online and started swearing at me, because apparently I over-stressed her by telling her about the assessments so she almost went to school despite her health conditions, so she asked if I was trying to KILL her. That hurt me so much. But i'm one of those people that just can't stay angry at people, and I've got a soft spot for apologies, so the next morning when she apologised and said she didn't mean what she said and that she was just frustrated that she was sick, I forgave her instantly and we became friends again.

    Last month she broke up with her boyfriend, and I helped her to get through it. To be honest, it was hard, and it was so hard to remain neutral in the situation, especially when I still liked him. That's when I motivated myself to get over him, for her at least, because I hated the fact that I was hiding that from her. It actually made me feel like a huge liar and hypocrit.

    Recently though (as in this week) she fainted about 20 times (or more) in THREE days. If you were her friend, wouldn't you be worried? So I went up to her and said, it's not even funny anymore, you're putting yourself in a really dangerous situation and just stay at HOME. To that she just replied, forget it, this whole talk is annoying me you know? Then I just said bye and walked off. I mean, if she doesn't even care about herself, how can I care for her??

    The next day (Thursday) her faint was so bad. She was unconscious and trembling for nearly twenty minutes and the nurse was about to call an ambulance. They called her dad who had no idea what was going on. When I went to see her in the school nurse's room, her dad was there and I asked her if he knew, and she said No. At that point, I just felt the need to tell him. I mean, it was unfair, he deserves to know what was going on with his own daughter. Her dad went, can you PLEASE tell me what is going on here?? So I asked if I could tell him, she was silent. I told him that she fainted 20 times in the past three days, and he went, WHAT?? TWENTY times?? I thought he might overreact so I asked if he wanted to talk outside. To that she just said, no you guys can stay in here. Naturally, I took that as approval. I mean, if she didn't want me to tell him, she would've said no at least. I still talked outside anyway and he was sooo concerned. Of course I only told him about the faints, not the causes. There are limits to things and if I told him about the breakup when he didn't even know she had a boyfriend, now that would be stepping over the line. When I went back into the room, she just stared at me and said, can you get my friends to come. Now that hurt so much. Didn't that sound like I wasn't even her friend?? Yet all along she's always been saying "oh you're like one of my besties". But I thought she was just unwell, so I just ignored it. I believe what I did was completely acceptable, yet that evening she swore at me again for telling her dad, and I just lost it. I ignored her and told myself that I won't ever be her friend again.

    The next morning though, when I went to my class and saw her (I was surprised, 'cause wasn't her dad supposed to DO something??) she was all happy. She saw me and went, oh HEY!! And held out a bag -- your birthday presents!! (My birthday was two months ago though) And I was just like, hmmm?? Didn't you SWEAR at me yesterday?? I stared at her for like nearly a whole minute. Then I shook my head and said no. She can't just treat me like I have no feelings. You don't swear one moment and give out presents the next. I'm human, I get hurt. She gave me the presents anyway, but I gave them to her ex and told him to return them. I thought about it all through yesterday and realised how much I had cared for her and how little I received in return. 90% of my friends have been telling me that she treated me like crap and why I was still friends with her, but I just didn't see it in that way until yesterday. I felt angry, hurt, annoyed, worried, concerned, betrayed etc etc and all that led to one of the worst breakdowns I've ever had in my life. I mean, I actually treated her like the sister I've never had. I pray for her all the time, I try to cheer her up and consider everything from her perspective, but all I get is getting sworn at. It just doesn't seem fair.. After the breakdown I talked to some people and apparently only a few of her faints are real -- she's faking most of them to get her boyfriend back or something, but I don't even want to think along that track. She sent me a text and called me to apologise yesterday, but it sounded like a blame rather than an apology. She basically said, yes I'm sorry, BUT after you gave me that "evil look" (apparently I gave her the evils when she offered the presents) I fainted three times. Also, you know that I'm suicidal yet you told my dad and that made me more suicidal than ever -- don't make my life any worse 'cause I'll die. When I went, you have no idea how much you've hurt me, she just said: dude, it's only been TWICE. I mean, how many times do you freaking expect to get sworn at by one of your closest friends??? Is two not enough??? I am personally SO anti-swearing, she knows it, yet swore at me TWICE, and told me it's ONLY been twice. And she also said, goodness sake you just get hurt too easily. SO WHAT, this is like MY fault for getting HURT too easily and she has no responsibility??? Also, apparently the way I treated her yesterday gave her a seizure and she was passing out. I mean, all her friends told me it wasn't a seizure, and that's what she said to everyone else too. So purposely trying to make ME feel guilty huh? Not working.

    It just hurts sooo much.. I can't hate her. Well I don't know. I've never been this angry in my life. I feel like strangling her at times, I feel sorry for her too, I'm still worried about her medical condition.. I definitely won't be her friend though, even her ex told me that he's supporting me in this incident. But it still hurts. How could she treat me like this??? I don't think she even considered me a friend. Yesterday she blamed me for not understanding her, but has she ever thought of things from MY point of view?? I've been suicidal for the past month, yet she never even asked how I was. She was so self-absorbed in her own world that she never even said "how are you" for the past two months or something. The way she hurt me made me so suicidal that I almost attempted it yesterday using scissors, luckily they weren't sharp enough. Or unfortunately. I don't know. Seriously, other people can be depressed too. It's not JUST her. She thinks she's the only one with anxiety and depression so that the world basically revolves around her (at least that's what she seems to be thinking) but like, I've been suicidal TOO. I have anxiety disorder, but I don't dump my problems on others. I feel so sorry for her ex, coz he has to treat her like they're still going out or else she'll faint/kill herself or whatever. I don't even know how I feel about this anymore. I realised that all along she never truly understood my point of view and never actually cared that much for me. She blamed so many things on me yesterday that it made me want to kill her, especially when I had a breakdown. When I was losing control and almost attempting to cut in this room at school, I knew that her friends were with her and the nurse. It just felt like, nobody cares for ME, they're all around her because she faints, so what's the point of living anyway, nobody wants to hear my side of the story. She faints and gets away with everything. Though afterwards people told me that she fainted because her ex pressured her to apologise to me or something.

    How should I treat her??? I have no idea. Should I talk to her to get it over and done with and then chuck her out of my life?? Or just leave things as they are and get on with my life without her? Sorry I'm so confused. I've had lots of breakdowns today and yesterday and I have no energy left, it's like I'm emotionally exhausted. Sorry about this super annoyingly long thread. Please, any help'd be greatly appreciated!!!!!