Getting things in order

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by desperatelyseeknghappines, Apr 11, 2013.

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  1. It's time to get things in order so my family does not have to deal with all the details; my will (which is pretty much nothing so that's a no-brainer), the cremation/burial plans. I am thinking cremation. I think it's cheaper than a burial. But then there are the ashes left for someone to have to get rid of. It really doesn't matter what they do with them they are just ashes. And since I am a useless person who really cares where those go.

    I really didn't want it to be this way. Still don't but I don't see any relief in sight. So staying is pointless. I will finally no longer be a burden to anyone.

    I don't know maybe after getting things in order I will have changed my mind but I doubt it.

    The daily struggle of making it just one more day is too much now. I'm getting old so it won't matter. My life is already over half way lived. It hasn't been all bad. There are a few good memories but not many. The only thing to figure out now is how. I don't want it to be messy. Sure wish I could just disappear, no mess no fuss & completely final.

    I been told suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But the problems don't seem temporary. The same thing just keeps happening over & over. So how is that temporary. Isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome insanity?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Do things differently reach out to new support take different therapy change things hun get outside the box you are in. It is you that can change things only you hun by reaching out for all the support there is. hugs
     
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    When you leave, nobody cares if you have put things in order or not. Believe me, that is not what anybody you leave behind cares about. If the same things keep happening over and over, then why are you not learning from those things and making adjustments to decrease the chances of them happening over and over again? You say, "Isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome insanity" - and it truly is, so why are you doing the same things over and over? Work on bringing about a change. Suicide is not a solution, you need to address the cause and attributes and then work on a plan with a road map that leads to a wellness solution.
     
  4. I was just told 10 minutes ago by my employer that I no longer have a job. They owe me for 3 weeks pay & will not address that at all. Of course I can look for another job but at 54 years old that is not going to happen very easily. Nothing seems to be going right.
    I know that things need to be done differently. I guess what I meant by that statement above is that no matter how hard I try to do things differently I seem to always end up with the same outcome.
    I'm just so tired now. My health is not good and of course now my finances are in shambles.
    I lost my 401k when the economy tanked. It was all the savings I had. I have been only maintaining things without being able to save anything to get things right. There is no help and it seems no hope. I am tired of working myself to the point of exhaustion just to barely get by.
    I don't think many will miss me anyway. There are only 3 people in my life who care about me and there is nothing they can do to help now. And I wouldn't think of imposing on them for any help anyway.
    I will keep trying but I truly don't know how much longer I can take all of this.
     
  5. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    You may not have a job or savings. You have three people who care about you. They may not be able to give you money or employment what they give you is far more valuable. Care. You matter to them.
     
  6. Thank you Theodora. I really needed to be reminded of that right now. They're actually the only reason I keep going. I truly want to stay strong and keep going. It's in the middle of the night when I can't sleep that it all hits me the hardest. And that has been happening a lot lately. I recently went to my Dr for a prescription for antidepressants. They don't seem to be helping a lot but I haven't been on them long. I'm not even sure there is a drug that can truly take the these feelings away. And being without any feelings would not be a good thing.

    It's not even really about the money. I feel as if I have failed them & myself miserably.

    I guess I just have been needing some perspective. And the people who have replied here have helped me with that. There really are a lot of things to live for. i just wish I could remember them all during the really dark times.
    I guess now I will get out the paint brush and see if I can brush the all horribleness away with some colors & images to keep me going for the day.
     
  7. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Please do not give up. We all face problems. I also lost lots of money in the past few years. I do not brood over that. I learnt lessons from my mistakes and I move on. We can live on less. In India rickshaw pullers live from day to day. They work hard physically and just get enough to eat. They sleep in the open and still they are happy? Why? Why don't they kill themselves? Why is it that so many people in the West are suicidal???
    This is because the dirt poor people in India have friends and a family to support and care for. Think about that. If you are mentally healthy you can survive even after losing a job and house. So get well mentally. Get support. Keep writing here and listen to the advice people give you. Good luck !!!

    Stop thinking of suicide. Pray to God to give you strength to eliminate your suicidal thoughts and fill your mind with positive ideas.
     
  8. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Hiya

    Please do not give up, we all face our ups and downs in life. Can you take your mind off life a while and do something you enjoy or do something mindless if that helps.
    please keep chatting here
     
  9. Thank you all so much for your support and advice.
    It's been a tough couple of days. I'm still feeling pretty down but not ready to give up anymore. I still cry a lot right now but not about losing my job. Now I mostly think about how much I miss my son and how difficult it is seeing my mom struggle to live. She is battling lymphoma. The jury is still out on whether she is going to survive. The 3rd chemo treatment nearly killed her and put her in the ICU for over a week and the hospital for another 2 weeks. She is now in a rehab center struggling to get her strength back so she can continue the chemo treatments. I visit her every day and when I leave I cry all the way home. I feel so guilty for wanting to take my own life while she is struggling to save her own. She is such a wonderful strong lady and i wish I had the strength she has. If it weren't for the 2 of them I would not be here. I would have given up a long time ago.
     
  10. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I am glad you feel better and feel guilty about taking your own life. Please STOP thinking about suicide. As I told you if a man is well mentally, he can survive anything. He can overcome any difficulty and survive. Good luck. I have a relative who is also suicidal and I understand what you are going through.
     
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