I've lingered around various forums for a couple months, sure I wasn't desperate enough yet to register. This week has pushed me down to the absolute bottom I can tolerate going. So I signed up just now. I have a history of depression and a history of horrible reactions to anti-depressants. Because of Zoloft, when I was 20 I almost died from a very serious suicide attempt. I swore I would never allow myself to feel like that again. But here I am today. I've become so isolated from working from home the last few years and I've only recently noticed just how bad that is. I feel like I have no one, and this includes my husband. He's fed up with me and that's killing me inside. But I can't blame him, I'm nothing but a mess anymore. Because of all my horrible, horrible experiences with doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, hospitals and medications, I've tried very hard to deal with these feelings myself. I know I put this stuff on my husband's shoulders, but up until tonight I didn't realize just how sick of me he was. He finally got up the balls to tell me he's fed up with me. Now I'm fighting this terrible empty feeling inside. I just feel dead. I don't want to repeat something I did 8 years ago. I don't want to hurt my family like that ever again. But I feel so totally helpless and I can't for anything fight this feeling much more. I don't know, I just hope that someone out there might say something that might strike the necessary chord to climb back out of this hole I feel I've dug. Thanks for reading this.